Head First

LEARNING TO COPE WITH EMOTIONS

We first learn to cope with emotions as a child, through a process called co-regulation.

👩‍👦Generally, a parent or caregiver creates a safe space for the child to feel an emotion, while regulating themselves. Through this process, the child learns that they can feel difficult things and express them safely. They learn that emotions are okay to feel and express. They learn that after they feel a difficult emotion, it can be okay.

🤔However, if we don’t have a safe environment to express ourselves, what can happen?

❤️‍🩹We might learn that emotions feel unsafe. We might learn that emotions are scary, or wrong, or that we should do anything to stop feeling them.

❤️‍🩹This can lead us to use some unhelpful coping strategies, including food but also alcohol, drugs, shopping, s*x or scrolling social media. Anything to avoid or distract from those challenging feelings.

The process of learning to feel your feelings is a difficult one, but one that is (in my biased opinion) a worthwhile one.

If you haven’t learned to express emotions yet, it’s not too late! You’re not doomed!

As always, the best way to learn these skills is with a good therapist. If you can’t access that, there are some great online resources that might be helpful 🙂💜

WHY DO I EAT LIKE THIS?

As part of my research, the topic of self-blame came up. It was really interesting to me that when people had an understanding of why they might eat like they do, the self-hate sometimes reduces.

Because the reason WHY you eat like you do is never to do with being lazy, or without willpower or without motivation. It’s never that there is something “wrong” with the person.

Often our experiences can shape how we interact with food.

I needed to shed some light on some common factors that impact how we eat, that are not our fault. In fact, we often have very little say in some of these factors.

⚠️Why we eat the way we do is often very understandable and typical, when we learn about the context.

❓For example, if you came from a family that struggled to regulate emotions, will you have learned how to manage emotions well? Maybe not. Maybe you might use food (or something else) instead. Very understandable and not your fault. In fact, good job for finding a way to cope in the absence of learning.

❓If you experienced people commenting on your weight, and valuing you for fitting the thin ideal, might you try and restrict food in order to feel valued? Certainly possible.

I really hope post this can explain some of the “why’s” behind our eating! So swipe left to read ☺️

Feel free to share if it’s helpful and let me know what’s not included!