Recovery Roots

The Self is the Void: The self is the thing inside us all that says “I am”, “I exist”, “I am an addict” etc. It is separate because we are led to believe that there is a thing called ‘me’ with a real story and there is an external world that is happening to ‘me’, which is separate from the external. Whether you are in recovery or still using substances, the separate self or ego is always in pursuit of happiness, the separate self always wants to feel whole. We may overcome addiction and relapse or perhaps we indulge in another addiction, swap one for another. It might be that we get free from one addiction and then start to overeat, judge others, excessively shop, be in constant pursuit of knowledge and power, seek happiness from relationships, or possibly all of the above, but why? Because the separate self needs to be fed, we are always looking for fulfillment, always seeking answers and happiness in the external world, which inevitably leads to dissatisfaction, then we are off looking for the next thing to fill that void. What if we put all of that effort into the pursuit of knowing the essence of our true being (the nature of self), the unknowable. What if you see through the story of yourself and see it for what it actually is, a self-constructed story in the mind, a story that holds you back, like a weight around your neck that makes you feel self-conscious, and perhaps even stops you from actually living. If we could stop filling a void that isn’t real, then maybe we may know what true freedom really feels like.