Re/Write

I read a lot about the psychology of people pleasing in preparation for the latest ep of (‘How to Stop Being a People Pleaser...’) and there was a word I’d never heard of that kept coming up:

SOCIOTROPY. Have you heard of it?

It’s described as a personality dimension characterised by EXCESSIVE investment in interpersonal relationships. Essentially too much concern with pleasing others at the expense of concern for oneself.

So much of the reading I did around people pleasing indicated strong correlation between people pleasing behaviours and higher cortisol, anxiety and depression. No surprises there but just to underline the point: people pleasing can be bad for your health.

It’s no joke.

If you feel like it’s having a significant impact on your happiness and health, a reputable and certified therapist with experience in this area is a safe place to start.

Coaching is not therapy. What a coach can offer though, is tangible and practical ways to challenge old thinking and behaviours (like people pleasing) and move forward into action with a new way of approaching work and relationships (including the one we have with ourselves).

I summarise what I read about the psychology of people pleasing and provide some self-coaching questions to help you explore your relationship with people pleasing in ‘How To Stop Being A People Pleaser (Without Being A D!ck About It)’

⬇️ Comment STOP and I’ll DM you the episode link

📸 (pic of me in the role that sparked an end to my people pleasing)

People pleasing is a lose/lose game.

We think that by saying yes to everything, we’re being helpful and nice. But with all the best intentions, it’s actually not.

Stripped right back, people pleasing is really about controlling the narrative and other people’s opinions of you.

It’s DISHONEST: It doesn’t allow for depth or nuance in relationships (Enter insincere connection)

It’s SELF-ABANDONMENT: You contort yourself to others’ wants and needs at the expense of your own goals (Enter: resentment)

It can lead to BURNOUT: You’ll attract people who will happily have you prioritising their to-dos while you set yours aside (Enter: stress, overwork, exhaustion and… eventually… burnout)

IMO quitting people pleasing is an urgent gift to you, your career and to the people in your life.

I’m a recovered people pleaser and I finally quit it in a very unexpected way.

👉 Find out how I did it (and you can too) in the latest episode of “How To Stop Being A People Pleaser (Without Being A D!ck About It)”

⬇️ Comment STOP and I’ll DM you a link to the episode


📸 by Sam McNamara via Unsplash (colour adjusted, my text added)