Yore Coach

Today I’m feeling low.

I realised something about myself for the first time today... that I am really good at portraying the outward appearance of being OK, of being able to handle it, even when I don’t feel it. And everyone who knows me will say that I am strong. I am capable. I can handle it. I've known this part for quite a while now. What I didn't realise was WHY I do this.

Today, I realised that my need to portray the outward appearance of being OK is a coping mechanism. A coping mechanism to protect myself from hurt. Hurt from not feeling understood. Not feeling seen. Not feeling validated.

I realised that from an early age, when I experienced negative emotions, the people closest to me throughout my life have felt uncomfortable around me. Not because they don’t love me, quite the opposite. Because they also feel uncomfortable with their own emotions. We can’t be available for others if we can’t cope with our own emotions.

Three things then happen.

1️⃣ Firstly, as a result of witnessing the discomfort in others, I have learnt not to show my negative emotions and to put on a front of being ok, when really, I'm far from it.

2️⃣ Secondly, as a result of witnessing the discomfort in others, I have learnt to feel unsafe showing my emotions. I either get frustrated with those close to me for not seeing me, or I push them away because I feel unsupported.

3️⃣ Thirdly, (and this is something I have recently learnt to do differently), I used to bottle up my feelings up and shove them down deep inside me because I didn't know how to deal with them. I'm pleased to say I no longer do this and I am learning to be comfortable with whatever emotions show up and to sit with them, in the knowledge that they will pass.

How many of you notice the same behaviour pattern in your life?

November is often a time of feeling low. Our clocks have gone back, the nights are drawing in, sunny days of Summer are but a distant memory and this year, we have the increasing pressure of a financial crisis and covid is still here.

When we feel low, it is easy to miss all the good things in our lives and one of the first things I recommend to all my clients is to start keeping a Gratitude Diary. Our unconscious minds need repetition to form new habits and focusing on the positive things in our lives changes how we view the world and improves our overall wellbeing.

Did you know November is National Gratitude Month in the U.S.? What a beautiful concept! I invite you all to join me in a daily practice of gratitude for the month of November.

Each day, take a moment to notice 3 things you are grateful for. Pop them in the comments below. Let's see how many we can generate.

Today I am grateful for:
✅ Vets - my steadfast companion, my Labrador Goose, has gone in for an operation to remove her mammary lumps today.
✅ The mild weather - as I submitted my meter readings this morning, I was grateful for the fact that October has been mild and my usage of gas and electricity has been low.
✅ The beautiful colours of Autumn - as I went for my morning walk through the woods, I was taken in by the beautiful rays of sun through the half empty branches and the golden and rust colours of the leaves on the trees and on the path under my feet. I listened to the rustling noise as I kicked the leaves and felt the fresh breeze on my face.

What are you grateful for today?

Just arrived in Lyon where it’s a glorious, sunny evening.
Tomorrow I will be delivering a Wellbeing Workshop to a global engineering company where we will be exploring how wellbeing affects performance. We will be learning about how the mind works and our body’s stress response system and developing some self awareness of our current wellbeing. We will learn tools to build resilience and how to improve our wellbeing in order to achieve better outcomes.
I’m looking forward to meeting the team and feeling excited to be working with them to develop their wellbeing going forwards.

Don't think of a Blue Tree.
The brain is unable to process negatives, so when you are focussed on what you don't want, this is exactly what you get. In order to get what we want, it's important to focus on what you DO want.

The donkey told the tiger, "The grass is blue."

The tiger replied, "No, the grass is green ."

The discussion became heated, and the two decided to submit the issue to arbitration, so they approached the lion.

As they approached the lion on his throne, the donkey started screaming: ′′Your Highness, isn't it true that the grass is blue?"

The lion replied: "If you believe it is true, the grass is blue."

The donkey rushed forward and continued: ′′The tiger disagrees with me, contradicts me and annoys me. Please punish him."

The king then declared: ′′The tiger will be punished with 3 days of silence."

The donkey jumped with joy and went on his way, content and repeating ′′The grass is blue, the grass is blue..."

The tiger asked the lion, "Your Majesty, why have you punished me, after all, the grass is green?"

What do you think the lion said?

The Donkey, The Tiger & The Lion The donkey told the tiger “the grass is blue”