Feven Beyene

If I could get the chance to sit with woman waiting for marriage, or a wife trying to make sense of her marriage, I would tell her this: Marriage is beautiful, but it is not your identity. It is not your finish line. It is not the place where you finally become whole. If you make marriage your source, you will end up empty — not because marriage is bad, but because only Jesus was meant to fill the empty space in your heart. Find your identity in Christ — before and after marriage. Let Him define who you are, not your title, your relationship, or your season. Be grateful for the gift, but stay anchored in the Giver. Because when your heart is secure in Him, you can actually enjoy the gift without depending on it to make you happy. The same God who is faithful in singleness is faithful in marriage. Don’t try to find your happiness and Identity in marriage. That’s when you will truly be happy with your marriage.

I remember my teenage years learning about marriage and relationships — it was my favorite class. I wouldn’t miss that day no matter what. Different teachers would come to our church and teach us about this beautiful, God-given gift called marriage. I remember being such an active participant. Somewhere in those moments, I began to deeply desire that kind of perfect, godly relationship. I longed for it desperately.

But የሆነ ስዓት ላይ I think I forgot that marriage is a way not the destination itself. Even though I never said it out loud, I remember thinking that marriage would be the place where I would finally be complete, both before God and before people. I was trying to find happiness in relationships and ultimately in marriage. I started to measure success by whether I was in relationship or marriage or not, and I placed my worth in the idea of marriage rather than in Christ. You see, marriage itself isn’t wrong, it’s God’s design, but when it becomes our ultimate aim, we risk losing sight of the Giver.

እናላችሁ I “followed my heart” and got married at 22. The young and desperate girl, hoping that this marriage would finally answer the long questions in her heart. Everything was great at first, but as time passed, the confusion began to grow. I began asking why my questions are still not answered. Why I still feel the emptiness? even after getting married, I still hadn’t found the wholeness I was searching for. My heart broke.

That’s when I realized even a good gift can’t fill a place meant only for God. There came a point when I had to face the ache I couldn’t ignore. እንግዲህ አስቡት I had everything I once prayed for a husband, a home, the title “wife”, and yet something inside still felt incomplete. That’s when God began to gently reveal something to me: I had started to worship the gift instead of the Giver.

ግን እግዚአብሔር ቸር አይደለ He reminded me that marriage was never meant to complete me only Christ can do that, not my husband not not even me. Marriage is a gift, a reflection of His love, but not the source of it.

ያኔ I had to take a step back, to pause and let Him reorder my heart. Slowly, my joy became less about what my marriage looked like and more about who was at the center of it.

If I could get the chance to sit with woman waiting for marriage, or a wife trying to make sense of it, I would tell her this: Marriage is beautiful, but it is not your identity. It is not your finish line. It is not the place where you finally become whole. If you make marriage your source, you will end up empty — not because marriage is bad, but because only Jesus was meant to fill that space. Find your identity in Christ — before and after marriage. Let Him define who you are, not your title, your relationship, or your season. Be grateful for the gift, but stay anchored in the Giver. Because when your heart is secure in Him, you can actually enjoy the gift without depending on it to make you happy. The same God who is faithful in singleness is faithful in marriage. Don’t try to find your happiness and Identity in marriage. That’s when you will truly be happy with your marriage.