Michelle Nicholls

We are looking forward to a lovely day of practice. This retreat is for BIPOC (Black Indigenous and People of Colour) participants. Stay tuned for our next daylong retreat for all, in a few months!

Cultivating Peace, Authenticity, and True Love - a TNI Toronto BIPOC Day Retreat Cultivating Peace, Authenticity, and True Love - a TNI Toronto BIPOC Day RetreatSeptember 13, 20259:45 a.m. to 4 p.m.The Buddha said, “Hatred never ceases by hatred, but by love alone is healed; this is the eternal law.” (Dhammapada)This is a profound truth that can take a lifetime to live into....

Shame is actually a social emotion! And, like all emotions that are difficult to experience, it's a signal giving us information - it's not inherently bad.

As little developing humans, we all have an abundance of needs that we look to our caregivers to fulfill (attachment to caregivers = survival). If our needs proved to be too much for our caregivers, or they weren't able to meet them a reasonable amount of time, our little bodies developed a sense of shame around that need to try to stop us from signaling for it. On some level we learned that the need lead to disconnection (a threat to survival), so the shame is stepping in to try to tell us NOT to have that need.

For example, if I learned that my need for emotional attunement overwhelmed my mom, it may have felt like it threatened my connection to her. As a result, I didn't stop having the need but instead, shame would step in to help me stop myself from asking for it.

Unfortunately, though, our needs are just that - needs. We need them to develop into secure, healthy adult humans and so we go on having them. They're not nice-to-haves! So we continue to have the needs and feel the self-protective shame until we do the work of grieving what we needed but didn't get, and learn how to begin meeting those needs in healthier ways.

In adulthood, we often feel ashamed when an old trigger or wound around an unmet need has been touched upon or activated. We still have the need (it's a need!).

Our work is to meet our shame with safety and curiosity, so that we can begin to meet our deeper needs with compassion, validation, and begin to build trust with our knowing selves.

If you're interested in learning more about this way of relating to shame (and yourself), I'll be starting a new program working with Cycle Breakers in January - those who are working to heal and shift old patterns, and are looking to practice new ways of relating to self and others in a small group of like-minded people.
Sign up at the link below to learn more!

https://theeqschool.myflodesk.com/hjxrfctyg0