Kristen Mrazek

11 years without you 💔Loving you always and more dad 🕊️

Leaning into life lately 🌷🫶🏼☀️
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✨Your energy is your lifeline…But what about the hard times when you have no energy?✨
I haven’t had the energy to post, to think of creative ideas, or to share my life, because life has changed so drastically and I still feel like I’m floundering.
I haven’t had the energy to thank everyone, or answer messages or take pics, plan ahead or set intentions.
I haven’t had the energy to do much except place one foot in front of the other, do the legal things related to my grandma’s passing, see those closest to me, and even then I feel it’s not fully me. Authentically me, yes, hurting, messy, raw and all. But not whole me. Healed me. Healthy me…
Grief is a bubble we tend to live in for as long is needed to protect our minds, nervous systems, and hearts. And right now I feel bubble wrapped, with a foggy distance and detachment from the real world that I am about to step back into. With life looming, it’s like taking a precarious, vulnerable and precipitous step back to reality. However, as I’ve explained to some of my near and dear, this is the time in grief that becomes the hardest. When the shock wears off, people start to go about their lives and no longer crowd around, life seems to go back to normal speed for everyone else, and the grief stricken stay frozen in this new normal that could not be further from the normal we once felt… It becomes lonely, confusing, empty and frustrating.
For those of us unfortunately well-versed in grief, it’s a time that can be dreaded. However, with the preemptive knowledge of this possibility, I have decided to give myself time and space to heal, yes, yet I have also decided that I will no longer spend my life waiting… in this case, waiting to feel better, to heal, to feel worthy of being back in the world, focused and clear. Instead I will show up, messy, raw, unhealed and real. However that may look. I hope and pray that others can be understanding, loving, present and kind.
And for those others who are grieving, who feel messy and like they’re barely holding on, I see you. I recognize you, and I know how strong and resilient you are to continue surviving. Our time will come to thrive…in time.❤️‍🩹