Melissa Topping RN RM IBCLC

27/02/2023

Couldn’t agree more Flourish Lactation. Ir

This is the one thing I say to ALL new families and I think it’s critical.

In a world where there is SO much noise, parents need to fight to find their way back to their babies.

Why is he not sleeping in his cot?
What do you mean you’re still breastfeeding him?
Can she really not sit up yet?
My baby never cried like that!
Allergies weren’t a thing when I was having kids.
You feed her so often!
He can’t be hungry again!
Put her down! You’ll spoil her!
Just shut the door and walk away.
Babies need to eat, play, sleep.
You’re making a rod for your own back.
Make sure he has at least three naps a day of at least 1.5 hours.
Don’t let her feed to sleep whatever you do!
He’s using you as a dummy!
Don’t rush to pick him up so quickly.
Crying is good for their lungs.
You need to teach him how to self-settle.
Whatever you do, don’t make eye contact.

As a vulnerable new mum, I compared my baby to all my friends babies who were relaxed, slept well and breastfed four-hourly. I read about how he needed a certain number of hours of sleep for brain development and that I needed to teach him how to sleep ASAP. I nearly killed myself trying to get him to nap regularly and diligently watched him for any signs of tiredness so I didn’t miss a sleep window! I tracked every nappy, feed and sleep meticulously.

The reality was he fed 2 hourly 24/7 for the first year of his life (often more frequently!) he had extremely low sleep needs (9 hours in 24 as a newborn!) and he needed constant stimulation, touch and movement to keep him happy.

He was everything social media told me he shouldn’t be.

Nothing I did could make him like I thought he was supposed to be.

One day I proclaimed to a beautiful experienced IBCLC that there must be something wrong with him because HE NEVER SLEEPS!

She calmly said, ‘He just doesn’t need it! That’s just who he is. Get on with it!’

Her words hurt at the time. I wanted her to fix it.

But now I realise it was the wisest thing anyone ever said to me.

We need to get to know OUR babies, not the babies with think they should be.

Once you surrender and trust that your baby is EXACTLY who they are meant to be, motherhood becomes so much easier to carry.

07/02/2023

I love this 🙌
Sadly some parents experience the socio-cultural pressure to “train” their baby to sleep, or are questioned when they feed, cuddle, or comfort their baby to sleep, despite this being biologically “normal”.
Sadly, there seems to be this idea that the success of parenting is related to how well your baby sleeps independently. Unfortunately, companies cash in on this, by convincing purchases of soothing products to replace that of parent/human contact.
I always advocate for responsive parenting techniques, but I do acknowledge that all parents make the best choices specific to their circumstances and their family.

The nurture that happens when we support infant sleep is unparalleled.

When we hold our napping babies our babies get full body touch, they are immersed in our smell, they feel and hear our heartbeat and breath, they are kissed, they are nuzzled. Their nervous system synchronizes with ours. Every cell in their body is at peace. The safety they experience physically builds mental wellness into their brain. There is no other time other than naps or sleep where our babies can bathe in our nurturing presence and take in our signals in this way. Long interrupted stretches of contact don’t happen in awake states.

When we nurture our babies by feeding, rocking, holding or laying down as they fall asleep we are in a sacred place for nurture. We are giving them safety and the experience of relaxation. This intimate experience doesn’t happen at any other time. Bedtime is a unique time for the developing brain. We cuddle, sing, hold hands, tell stories, review the day, say goodnight to loved ones. It happens in a special way at bedtime and it’s important.

When we sleep close to our babies in the same room or bedsharing (always safely - see the highlight reel for safe sleep guidance) they experience our calming presence and/or touch for a consistent 8-12ish hours every day. This is brain building, sleep protecting and the only opportunity to spend this amount of time in nurture.

Morning hugs that drift into a snooze, nighttime scares helped by a squeeze, games and play at bedtime, cuddles, hands held, sickness comforted, all of this and more are unique nurturing experiences for the developing brain.

When we understand how powerful we are and take in the experiences - we also benefit. Our brains, many of the areas that grow in infancy are rewired in parenthood towards health.

Supporting sleep in a family bed has been the most connected we have felt as a family.

Nurturing sleep is deep nurture.