Picards Flute FC

Last nights game saw Picards Flute Football Club’s greatest success of the clubs short yet arousing history. The boys in high vis steamed home with a 9-2 victory over Drum World, our 2nd ever victory.

With the return of Joshua “if sam says its ok” Leigh after break from injury, into the defensive line and Hayden “Fanny” Fancote into the forward pocket, the Flutes were looking strong on paper. The lack of apparent mental disabilities in the opposition side however did instill some nerves in the boys before the kick off.

Before long, the offensive pressure from AFL draft prospect and moustache enthusiast James Harrold combined with some Josh Hill like cherry picking from Fraser Hudson, proved too much for Drum World, seeing the Flutes ahead 6-0 at the half time break (brought to you by our friends at Emu Export).

The second half provided an opportunity for the boys to extend their lead with miracle goals from Hayden “Fanny” Fancote including a sausage from the corner mark. With 10 seconds remaining, a “ Jenkins-like” one-man show was put on from the Goal Keeper Adrian “how many standard drinks” Marsegaglia, to run the field and score his first goal of the season with 2 seconds left on the clock. When asked about his goal and spontaneous exit from the arena after 2 failed attempts to remove his shirt and tripping over a chair on the way out, Adrian said “the goal and the win means so much for the boys and we’d like to dedicate it to long lost role model and friend Aretha Naitanui”.

The future looks strong for our young football Club, with strong additions to come in the following weeks including Josh “I’m pretty sure she’s legal” Adamson. We hope to back up this great success with more in the following weeks.

Last night saw the boys in fluorescent yellow up against Bayern Bru, who like most teams in the league, have a name that makes absolutely no sense and take the Men's C division competition just a little too seriously. The boys were looking to grab their second win after 5 losses on the trot.

The Flutes started well and looked solid as a defensive unit, certainly more so than last week where the boys found themselves down 2-0 within the opening minute of the game. A noticeable omission however was defensive specialist Joshua "if Sam says its ok" Leigh, who is rumoured to have spent the night on the couch watching Bachelorette re-runs with his long time girlfriend. Picard's Flutes missing key defender was eventually exposed 10 minutes in, when Bayern Bru scored on the back of some horrible defence by the Flutes.

The boys fought back through debutante Andy "Morabito" Morrissy in the 13th minute of the game, who when asked about the goal said "I kicked it I think." Unfortunately for Picard's Flutes the opposition answered back quickly in the form of two goals before half time.

At the half time break player/manager Thomas Martin addressed the boys and said a strong focus on intensity and "winning the fu**in' hard ball" was necessary if the Flute's were to get themselves back into the game. The Flute's were also instructed to "pass the ball to the Italian," of course referring to first gamer Andrew Marollo, who did not look out of place in the Picard's Flutes uncoordinated line-up.

A goal shortly into the second half saw goalkeeping superstar Adrian Marsegaglia (sporting a haircut similar to my grandmother's) concede yet another goal, which prompted a fit of what can only be described as menopausal rage as Connor "A s**t's a s**t" McAlpine took the goalkeeping reins.

The bold switch worked immediately as Adrian took the field and helped contribute to two late goals from Jimmy Harrold.

Unfortunately for the Flutes, yet another chance to clinch a draw slipped through their fingers which sees the team slump to ninth on the ladder. The boys will be back next week, hoping to finish with any result other than a loss.