JennyMoutou.com

Who are you? (Part 2)

“You should drive this car”
“You should go into this profession”
“You should wear these clothes”
“You should say it this way…”
“You should… you should… you should….” If I don’t consciously reject other people’s opinions of me, then I subconsciously accept what they say - even if what they say is complete bu****it.

You have to pay attention to that stuff. When that stuff gets in, it can be ridiculously difficult to undo it. Pay attention.

My personal journey, as well as the choices I have made or failed to make, have been my greatest lessons. I learned that we can be at the mercy of disruption and change in our lives, or we can orchestrate them. Said another way, you can bring the change or you can let change happen to you.

One has the potential to send you into the dark for a long, long time, the other, proves to be uncomfortable and maybe a little sad for a time, but invariably gives you power to facilitate a life and experiences you want and desire.

When you are at the mercy, you have no choices. When you govern yourself and your life, you have all the power.
It’s a vicious cycle, people telling you who you are and what you are, only when you look out into their life, you realise they’re the product of who other people told them they are. Living into the illusion that they are steering their own ship and seemingly oblivious to the programs that are running them.
What’s my point? In the Netflix show I Am Not Your Guru, Anthony Robbins says “I made this motherf**k’n Tony Robbins” What did he mean?

⚔️ He means, HE determined who HE was going to be in the world. HE determined what he was going to stand for. HE created the vision of himself and his life and HE went out and forged that but most of all he didn’t let anyone take him off course. ⚔️

Who are you? (Part 1)

One of my teachers reminds me, “Jenny, we are defined by what we say no to, as much as what we say yes to”. She’s right. During this transition period, I have been carefully observing myself and others. I have, if you like, been super self-reflective. Curious to see the butterfly effects of my choices and the impact of affirming a no in my life. I’ve gone from being a people pleasing “Yes” person to an assertive “No”. And I can see that people are not always happy when you assert where your boundaries are. They want to tell you what to do, “Get back in your box” or tell you what you are “You’re bossy” and it takes something to look that in the face and consciously reject it. Here’s the thing I learnt:

If I don’t consciously reject other people’s opinions of me (opinions that don’t resonate with who I know myself to be, or what I know myself to want), then I subconsciously accept what they say.
Here’s a classic albeit somewhat off tangent example. As a teen, you’re often asked the question “what do you want to be when you grow up?” And you might have some ideas about that, but so does everybody else. At some point someone comes along in your life - parents, aunty, uncle, whatever - and they say “You should be a ….(fill in the blank)” and off you go and spend the next 30 years of your life doing a job you really dislike, all because someone told you to.

Let's be honest here, are your life choices determined by what other people think you should be, or what they think you should do, or have?

It begins with the end. (Part 1)

As someone who has ventured from one relationship to another, it has taken me some time to unearth the motivation and driver for living such a life. Recently, I found myself at the end of yet another relationship. In the past, this would have elicited a downward spiral, led by a series of questions with one inevitable destination - self-pity. “What’s wrong with me?” “Why can’t I be in relationship?” “Why can’t I be normal?” And other such dysfunctional questions, ill suited to the empowering of the self.
You may detect a hint of sarcasm in my voice - if you don’t, it’s there. Why? Because far from going into this spiral, I found myself in another type of loop. The loop of logic versus emotion. The kind of loop where your mind is somehow split in two and you end up fighting with yourself. “Why did he say that? I don’t understand.” “Forget about it, I want to feel good. Brain, make me feel good.” “No but he said…” And so it goes, this battle of replay that gets you nowhere but crazy real quick. It’s ironic. Twenty years of personal development to ‘fix me’ and watching that play out. Was this the first time? No way. But, it was the first time I was so totally conscious of being stuck in it, with no solutions forthcoming. A humbling reminder of my humanity in action.

So here I am, it’s the end. The mind full of logic “knows” this is for the best. The heart bruised and wanting what it wants - love, affection and to be held in closeness with another - is emphatically saying “f**k off” to the brain.

At one level, I am the observer somewhat amused at the antics of this parade going on inside me, at another, I am fully immersed as the participant, feeling both relief and despair.