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“Dear Angelica,
My husband stopped drinking, and I’m grateful… but I’m also frustrated.

It feels like he just traded one thing for another. Now it’s food. He wants all the snacks, all the sugar, all the takeout. It’s like there has to be an abundance of food in the house at all times.

Groceries are high, he’s not really working steadily, and I feel like I can’t win for losing. On one hand I’m glad he’s not drinking. On the other hand, I’m watching him gain weight and I’m stressed trying to keep up with the cost and the chaos.

I don’t want to sound ungrateful by complaining, but I also don’t know how to live like this long term.”

Signed, Grateful But Over It

My response:
Dear Grateful But Over It,
You’re allowed to feel both: grateful he stopped drinking and frustrated that something else has taken its place. That doesn’t make you ungrateful. It makes you honest.

When someone trades alcohol for food, gaming, or anything else, it’s often a sign that the deeper pain or pattern hasn’t been dealt with yet. I’m not a therapist, but in my experience, if you’re just swapping one addiction for another, there’s usually something underneath that still needs attention.

Here’s what I want you to remember: progress, not perfection. Sobriety is a step. It’s an important one. But it’s not the whole journey...for him or for you.

What you can do:

Encourage him to get into therapy or a program that looks at the root of why he needed to numb out in the first place.

Give him grace for being in process, while also holding your own line about what you can and cannot do.

And yes, you get to set boundaries. You can say:
“I’m happy you’re not drinking, but I can’t keep buying extra food every week. Here’s what we can afford. If you want more, we have to figure out a different plan.”

You don’t have to carry all the financial and emotional cost of his new habit just because it looks ‘better’ than the old one.

A coaching step for you this week:
Write down what is better since he stopped drinking, and what is still heavy. That list will help you see your reality clearly and decide your next boundaries.

If you’re in this ‘after the drinking’ season and still feel like you’re drowning, you don’t have to do it alone. You can text your anonymous “Dear Angelica” letter to 708‑314‑6864 or reach out about coaching spaces where we talk about exactly this.

Say It Out Loud Sunday: Dear Angelica

“Dear Angelica,
Nobody really talks about this part, but I will. We are not having s*x. At all.

Between his drinking, the arguments, the lies, and the emotional distance, the intimacy just disappeared. Even when he can perform, I am so turned off and disconnected that my body is like, absolutely not.

I miss feeling wanted. I miss feeling soft and s*xy and like somebody’s woman, not just somebody’s roommate, mom, and problem solver.

I feel guilty even saying it out loud, because there are already so many other issues. But the truth is, I am lonely in my own bed.”

My response:
Sis, hear me on this. You are not wrong, selfish, or childish for wanting intimacy. You are a whole woman. Wanting touch, pleasure, and closeness does not make you shallow. It makes you human.

Living with addiction will shut your body down. Your nervous system has been in “survive and protect” mode for a long time. It is very hard to feel turned on when you do not feel safe, seen, or emotionally held. There is nothing broken about you for feeling that way.

You do not have to let this season steal your softness. You can still pour into your own sensuality even if s*x with him is off the table right now. Grab yourself something pretty from Fenty or wherever you like to shop, light a candle, put on music you love, and remember what it feels like to see yourself as beautiful, not just busy. Thank me later.

You can also play. Take that pole class, twerk cardio, or sensual movement class you have been side‑eyeing. If you need names of instructors, I know some amazing ones. Send me a message and I can connect you. And if toys or tools help you reconnect with your own pleasure, there is no shame in that either.

At the same time, you deserve emotional support around all of this. Therapy or coaching can give you a place to say, “I am lonely,” without being judged. You do not have to shrink your needs just because addiction has taken up so much space in your relationship.

You are still allowed to be soft, s*xy, and desired, even in the middle of a hard season.

If this is you, you are not the only one lying next to someone and feeling completely alone. You can text your anonymous “Dear Angelica” letter to 708‑314‑6864 or reach out about coaching spaces where we talk about intimacy as part of your healing, not separate from it.