Sin Bandera Poetry

Finding the right partner is one of the most liberating feelings you will ever experience; at least in my humble opinion. In years past, I would get in trouble for having sneezing fits, for sniffling, for being generally unwell, because, you know, I should be taking medications to cure all these issues (nevermind the fact medications don't always work for me).

My current partner hasn't gotten upset with me once. I have had a sinus infection for over 13 weeks - yeah - over 3 MONTHS. And I still have 6 weeks before I can have surgery to correct these issues.

But I haven't heard one time that I should just go take medicine. Not a single agitated huff. Instead, I'm asked if I'm alright after a 10-sneeze marathon. I'm asked if I need ibuprofen or tylenol when my head is throbbing due to sinus pressure. If I am struggling badly, I'm brought medication, water, and even kleenex to bed so I don't have to get up.

This is a feeling I've never had before. I don't always have to be the strong one. I don't have to hide my pain and act like I'm not ready to sob because it hurts so badly.

In turn, I do what I've always done, and take care of my partner, too. But just knowing I'm not going to be given the cold shoulder, or talked to like I'm sick on purpose is amazing. What a blessing.

Some days, I wish people could see you as I do. The soft you. The gentle you. The you that has been taught to hide.

I wish they could see the way you soften and light up when I say, "you're beautiful." The way you nestle into my chest as you fall asleep, free from the chaos of the day. The way the light caresses you just so, and you look positively divine.

But then, I wonder what would happen. I know what the world does to beautiful things. I wouldn't want to that for you.

So instead, I sit here watching you sleep, watching the peace and serenity on your face, and I smile. This moment was made for me.

We are all different. That's what makes the world go around. But when you break us all down to our base elements, I think it's safe to say that we all want the same things in a relationship. To feel safe, secure, and loved by our partner.

What does it take to feel that way? Again, everyone is different.

My partner and I are both very similar. Our love language is touch. Holding hands, shoulder rubs, scalp massages...simple things mean the most. We enjoy cooking together, and working on our own projects together.

I like to do little things like getting her flowers every now and then. Reeses peanut butter cups are one of her favorites, so I throw those in her backpack before she goes to work. Remembering her favorite things.

Some people like grand gestures - big vacations, expensive gifts, flashy presents. Some people, like my partner and I, don't.

I think it is incredibly important to know your partner's love language and provide them reassurance that you care for them in a way they feel safe. We ask why relationships don't last long anymore, and I feel the answer, generally speaking, is easy: we have stopped putting effort into our partners.

So take your person to dinner. Buy (or pick!) flowers for them. Run them a bubble bath, cook for them, put on a cheesy movie and cuddle. It doesn't always have to be extravagant. Try it, and see what changes.

I am forever astounded at how people talk to their spouses. The amount of sarcasm, rudeness, snipey comments, and just a general lack of respect...it breaks my heart. Now, I understand that we all have our bad days, and one conversation is not likely representative of the entire relationship, but this is the person YOU chose to be with. Why wouldn't you talk to them as you'd like to be talked to? I couldn't imagine talking to my wife with that sort of tone or disdain in my voice.

Relationships don't last like they used to because we don't value our partners like we should. I said what I said.