Life Coaching with Bells

Instead of allowing this article to be directed at you personally and directly... Instead read it as all of the red flags to be aware of when interacting with others 🙏🏻

The article in and of itself reads pretty negatively and is kind of jarring if you are reading it and trying to assess whether or not you are a difficult person to be around. But instead if you read it as a cautionary tale then it's much easier to read and it makes really good points and explains why those things are true in very clear ways 🙏🏻🥰🌈

The last one is someone being a drama magnet... Honestly that should be the first one.

I remember in my '30s saying to somebody that my life was very calm but the lives of everyone around me was drama-filled. And since I didn't have good boundaries at the time that meant their drama splashed into my life. And since I didn't have good boundaries the people with drama were drawn to me.

So all of us can see the red flags in this amazing article even though it is stated very negatively 🥰🙏🏻

And if you do happen to discover something about yourself... Don't worry about it and don't beat yourself up... Just work on it like we all do 🥰

8 signs you’re actually an exhausting person to deal with, according to psychology Ever wonder if you’re a bit of a challenge to be around? Look, we all have our moments. But sometimes,

Another term for emotional labor is "mental load"... It's the process of remembering and prioritizing and being proactive and the planning stages...

Historically the mental load/emotional labor went to the female presenting humans... Because it also includes things such as noticing and paying attention... Noticing that the house looks dirty or messy... Paying attention to when the bills need to be paid or when milk needs to be bought before it runs out...

Sadly, our society hasn't caught up with this construct inequity as much as it has some inequities 🙏🏻

When we look at our interpersonal relationships It's a good idea to consider who is in charge of remembering.. birthdays? To take the garbage out each week? Who reminds whom of taking their medication each day? Who remembers to set the doctor's appointments? Who plans how things are going to be taken care of? Etc.

It's also important to think about whether or not we might be enabling our partner or our best friend etc.

Instead of reminding somebody that so-and-so's birthday is next week... Let them know that we're not going to give them a 2-week early reminder every year anymore and that instead we are requesting that they put a calendar event in their phone to remind them themselves "so-and-so's birthday is in 2 weeks on 9/9, So pick up a birthday present for them".

We absolutely need to be mindful of the burnout that can come from doing the mental load/emotional labor for others... And we also need to be mindful of our fear of people failing and how that might be contributing to our enabling the behavior to continue in the vein that it is 🙏🏻

As we figure out ways to own our participation, it becomes visible and easier to see how to move forward in a way that will diminish those dependencies on ourselves 🙏🏻 And also make it easier to see how we have underestimated those around us 🌻