Return on Equality

College was always an expectation in my family. It was seen as a way out of poverty and a path towards the American dream. However, college did not become a concrete goal for me until I was 12 and experienced homelessness. To keep us away from a homeless shelter, my parents moved us into a motel room. For months, I witnessed my mother rise at 4am and work long hours. Every day she laced up her shoes and did not complain. She always remained positive and inspired me to do well in school in order to make her proud. Even though I was young, I saw the contrast between people who had an education and those who did not. 15 years later, I still try to emulate my mother's immigrant work ethic. Because of her and other positive role models, I not only became the first in my family to graduate from college, I will be the first to graduate with a master's degree. However, I am one of the "lucky" ones who achieved her dream. Sometimes I can't help but think of all the others who never got a chance.

“‘I wish I were white,’ I said to my mother. She looked at me in confusion. Then sadness filled her eyes as she processed what I had said. ‘Why?’ She didn’t understand why I would want to change my skin, to change how I looked.
Growing up in Haiti, my mother was continuously surrounded by people who looked like her: teachers, doctors, celebrities, etc. There was never a question in her mind around if she could do something or be someone. My mother knew she was beautiful, and the world she lived in never tried to show her that she wasn’t.

I, on the other hand, grew up in a society where I continuously questioned how I looked. I did not look like the people around me: doctors, politicians, fellow students, actresses on TV, etc. I did not see myself in most places, and when I did see myself, it wasn’t a version that I could relate to or that I wanted to emulate. So, I wanted to be white.

My mother heard what I said, and she tried to help me see past the world around me to the value and beauty that I had, as I am. However, she could not truly understand how impactful representation is in how people see themselves because she had always seen herself. It took years for me to work through this mental block in order to see myself as I am, and not how this society sees me. The first time it clicked for me was in college because I was surrounded by other black women, who had found a way to embrace their full selves. They inspired me to do the same.
What we see and whom we see can truly impact how we see ourselves and what we ultimately do with our lives. This is why equal representation in media matters. If you can see it, you may just start to believe it.” Naeemah Ph