Parent Assist

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“Parenting has nothing to do with the kids.”

Speaker: Dr. Aliza Pressman Dr. Aliza W. Pressman
Source: You Learn This Too Late: Understanding This Will Change the Way You Look at Your Relationships | The Mel Robbins Podcast The Mel Robbins Podcast Mel Robbins

At first, that statement feels backwards. Parenting is about our kids, right?

But Dr. Pressman reminds us: at its core, parenting is about our work.

The 5 principles she names - relationship, reflection, regulation, rules, and repair - all start with us:

Relationship: We cultivate connection, even when our kids are messy or resistant
Reflection: We look at how our own upbringing shaped the way we show up now.
Regulation: We calm our nervous system so we can guide, not explode.
Rules: We set the structure that keeps kids safe and gives them freedom to grow.
Repair: We take responsibility when we rupture the connection — and show our kids what healing looks like.

Notice how none of these ask kids to change first. They get to be themselves - developing, exploring, testing, and stumbling.

Our role is to create the container that helps them grow.

And here’s the paradox: once parents shift the focus back onto themselves, kids do change. They develop regulation skills, they feel more secure, and the relationship strengthens.

It makes us wonder:
If parenting isn’t about controlling children, how much freedom does that give us to focus on what we can control - our own presence, patience, and repair?

10/12/2025

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/17PvPRrjnG/?mibextid=wwXIfr

“Parenting has nothing to do with the kids.” Speaker: Dr. Aliza Pressman Dr. Aliza W. Pressman Source: You Learn This Too Late: Understanding This Will Change the Way You Look at Your Relationships | The Mel Robbins Podcast The Mel Robbins Podcast Mel Robbins At first, that statement feels backwards. Parenting is about our kids, right? But Dr. Pressman reminds us: at its core, parenting is about our work. The 5 principles she names - relationship, reflection, regulation, rules, and repair - all start with us: Relationship: We cultivate connection, even when our kids are messy or resistant Reflection: We look at how our own upbringing shaped the way we show up now. Regulation: We calm our nervous system so we can guide, not explode. Rules: We set the structure that keeps kids safe and gives them freedom to grow. Repair: We take responsibility when we rupture the connection — and show our kids what healing looks like. Notice how none of these ask kids to change first. They get to be themselves - developing, exploring, testing, and stumbling. Our role is to create the container that helps them grow. And here’s the paradox: once parents shift the focus back onto themselves, kids do change. They develop regulation skills, they feel more secure, and the relationship strengthens. It makes us wonder: If parenting isn’t about controlling children, how much freedom does that give us to focus on what we can control - our own presence, patience, and repair?

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