Cultivate Your Inner Goddess Podcast

Article: How Do You Deal With Dull, Achy Pains?
From the Cultivate Your Inner Goddess Newsletter October Archives

October is nearly over as the world continues to battle the Covid 19 pandemic. The virus is showcasing its ability to adapt, thrive and replicate. It intends to survive. When faced with a challenge of epic proportions, a mammoth response must be undertaken to defeat the opponent. An effective group effort includes unity, solidarity, and strategy.

One analogy is being newly diagnosed with cancer. You seek out an expert who specializes in your type of cancer. Physicians look at factors such as history, labs, and aggressiveness of the cancer to develop an optimized treatment plan. An immediate health crisis requires swift action. You hit the cancer with all you’ve got- chemotherapy, radiation, surgery, or holistic medications. There is no time to delay and allow the cancer to spread and grow. It’s time to take decisive action… quickly.

It’s interesting how this might make sense to you, and yet somehow, you don’t take it into account in your everyday life. You may allow small issues to gnaw away at you, ignoring them, while they escalate into larger problems, and rob you of your peace and happiness. When will you decide to resolve a problem and attain closure? Your job may feel like a hostile work environment. You feel like your boss is out to “get you”, and work with the persistent thought that you might get fired. Yet you choose to stay at the job. Your bathroom drain might be leaking water, and you place a cup under the leak to catch it. You resort to emptying the cup every day, otherwise it will overflow, and yet you are still reluctant to call the plumber. You rationalize that you don't have time to call the plumber. You don’t have the money to pay for a repair now. What you failed to recognize is that a small leak is an indication of a possible larger issue. If you’re fortunate, it’s a quick and easy fix. If you are unlucky, a small leak can be a sign of a pipe preparing to burst! You need an assessment of the issue right now.

How can you practice learning to trust your instincts and take a proactive step towards resolving these dull, achy thorns in your side? The first step is simple awareness. Just the act of noticing and being aware of your behavior is a great first step. The second step is taking action. Instead of allowing minor annoyances to continue indefinitely, you address the concern immediately. You don’t punt the ball tomorrow, next week, or next year. You gather the facts, make a decision, and follow through with your plan of action. Commit to the process, as the benefits of taking action now are often greater than allowing the issues to linger indefinitely. When something lingers, there is no closure.

The concept is applicable to relationships as well. If your partner does or says something that annoys you, instead of ignoring it, pretending you didn’t hear it, or sweeping the problem under the carpet, it is an excellent opportunity to address the concern. Effective communication is the key to being heard and understood. The goal is to make your concerns known without accusing the other party, or causing them to become defensive. A great starter is an “I feel” statement.

For example, “I felt bad when you asked me to change out of my sweats and into something appropriate to go to the supermarket. I felt like sweatpants were fine, as we are in quarantine. Telling me this made me feel like I don’t know how to dress myself, or that I am dressing too casual”. An adult conversation would continue with the other party responding with something like this: “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. It was only a suggestion. I wasn’t trying to tell you how to dress, or imply that you were wearing something too casual. I like the way you look no matter what you are wearing”. These conversations get whatever is bothering you out into the open, and do not allow negative feelings to fester, which usually lead to larger blow-ups in the future.

Addressing issues when they occur is generally a healthy strategy. The benefits of taking care of an issue now, outweigh the uncertainty of waiting, guessing, or mind-reading other people’s intentions and actions. Start practicing addressing your problems, instead of allowing them to linger indefinitely. Your future self will thank you.