Loving Arms Visitation

Respect during visitation. There is an art to supervising a visit and maintaining mutual respect between the supervisor and the visiting parent. The parent is on the defensive for obvious reasons, and the supervisor is on guard. Understandable. And again, that visiting parent is feeling very judged and often a bit hostile to be in the position they are in. So what I find to be an important first step in the establishing of mutual respect is to communicate clear expectations. During the intake process, I provide the visiting parent written documentation of what the expectations and boundaries are for visitation. Call them rules, if you like. Basically, what is allowed and not allowed, and a short explanation why. Keep in mind, there are rules for the visiting parent, the custodial parent, any additional visitors and for myself. In this way, it is my hope that I am able to paint a basic picture for the visiting parent of what a visit will look like. Also, during the intake I give the parent ample time to ask any questions they may have. I don't candy coat it.............I find that most parents do much better if I'm direct and to the point, but GENTLY FIRM. The expectations are not subject to negotiation, and it is that way for a reason. A reason I have come to understand after having worked in this field for many years. All this said, it comes down to respect. I treat every person involved in the visit as I'd want to be treated. No judgement, shaming, mocking, or comparing. This parent is in an uncomfortable place, and my job is to do as much as I can to teach that parent how to parent better...........not judge or degrade them. I try very hard to point out what they do well, and to be constructive in my redirections and suggestions. Ultimately, I think that this approach is appreciated...............no matter if my suggestions are followed or not. Those that open themselves to learning, do very well, and often earn unsupervised visits, and others..............well, they just don't. It's easy to judge. But take a moment and stand in that parent's shoes. How would you feel? (It doesn't matter if they had it coming, by the way.) EVERY SINGLE visiting parent I have ever dealt with felt that the supervision was unnecessary, and they were good parents. EVERY SINGLE ONE. But with each case, as a supervisor, I have the chance to SAVE a family that is broken. I can't stop a divorce, but if the parent is open to me, and i can establish respect and trust with them, often we are able to save/improve the relationship between the visiting parent and the child and SOMETIMES we even manage to improve the ability of the parents to co-parent. However, NONE of this has any hope of happening without respect.

Welcome new friends: Charles Lykes, Nancy Perkins, Evan Frayman, Dane Hepner, Tara Scott Lynn, Gino Megna, Lindsey Marriott French, Dean Tsourakis, Matt Lundy, John Trevena, Heather Gurly, Jason Lambert, Tonya Valdes, Frank Miranda, Micheal Rossi, Milly Athanason, Derek Bernstein, Richard Mockler and Dominic Fariello!

Nearly everyone knows what "supervised visitation" means. Not everyone knows why it is so frequently needed. So, each day, I'm going to just post a little something on this important subject.

Todays fact: Not all parents ordered to supervised visitation are bad parents. Many are products of their own upbringing, which may have included parenting techniques that are no longer appropriate, such as : "cut your own switch", or soap in the mouth, or being sent to bed without supper.

Many of us can relate to these, and may have even had them as part of our childhood. With supervised visitation, the parents have an opportunity to LEARN from the supervisor. Part of my job is to redirect inappropriate behavior or interactions between parents and children. This is not limited to just pointing out inappropriate behavior, but also about suggesting appropriate alternatives.

At Loving Arms, the goal is to help families be more function and positively interactive by helping parents be the best they can be, and by TEACHING positive and supportive parenting techniques that the parents can use not just during visitation, but for life.