Lifecycles with Rabbi Miller

Wishing my Jewish family and friends a meaningful fast. In this new Year May you be written and sealed for blessing in the Book of Life.

Rosh Hashanah starts tonight. Wishing everyone a happy, healthy, and sweet New Year!

If you have little kids in your family that you love and adore, should you invite them to be a flower girl and ring bearer? This depends on a few things.

1. The age and maturity level of the kids. Will they be able to confidently walk down the aisle? Are they old enough to understand the importance of what they are doing? Will they enjoy this task? If the answer to these questions is yes-- include them!

2. Do the bride and groom care what happens with the flower girl and ring bearer? If at the last minute they can't make it down the aisle or if they go down crying or of their parents have to pick them up and carry them down-- will this matter to you? If you feel it will distract from the day- it is probably best not to include them.

3. Are they staying for the reception? Will this be an imposition on their parents? Even if they are being picked up after the cocktail hour, it is stressful for the parents of these little ones. The day includes a lot of standing around waiting for something to happen. There is a lot of waiting to be in pictures, then waiting for the ceremony. It is really hard (and boring) for the little ones. They may get restless, they will need a snack and maybe a nap. It will be hard on their parents. And could also be expensive since most parents will need to buy that special dress for a little girl and a tuxedo for a little boy. As much as you may love to have a flower girl and ring bearer, it might be nice for their parents to leave them home so the parents can enjoy your special day and be fully present.

The decision to include or not include little ones in the ceremony should be made well in advance of the ceremony. If anyone feels uncomfortable with the decision that is made, a conversation can take place and details can be worked out well before the wedding day. And once the decision is made- stick with it so no one is upset on the wedding day.