Sharabii

Icymi: a bunch of music uploaded exclusively to soundcloud because I was exhausted trying to perfect them for release and said f**k it, go raw.

📌 Sharabii Statement — To Anyone Who’s Ever Known Me

⚠️ Content Warning:
This post talks about mental illness, su***de attempts, self-harm, grief, rumors, substance use, family loss, and survival. If you read this, protect your mind first.

🗝️ Why I’m Saying This Now
This post is long overdue — and for once, I’m not trying to sound professional or diplomatic. I bottled up my truths for way too long. There’s no way this covers every corner — but maybe it covers enough.
I wrote this, crashed out, overthought it, rewrote it. Low key funny how I talk about identity then overthink my own story until I crash myself. That’s me. So here’s me — starting again. For anyone I’ve been close with, drifted from, or kept at a distance because I didn’t know how else to protect my chaos. I wish you all smoothness on your own paths. I hope this shows why distance was sometimes my only way to breathe. For the people I am blessed to stay in contact with, either close and or at a distance because of reasons. I wish yall the most smoothness on your journey and I cherish your kindness in accepting me for me. I want this post to be a torch for people to remember. I move forward with memories only intended to allow myself to be better than how I used to be. I want this post to be a reminder that I haven’t forgotten, I just moved differently till I was on a level to express this fully. I want people to know I haven’t forgotten, I still wanted to follow through with expressing fairly and honestly. I want to fill in the gaps that explain a lot of my personality shifts, perspectives, motivations, and goals. I want the people I am grateful to connect with to have access to this information, but have the enjoyment to continue focusing on a natural process of connecting and growing together.

🗝️ My Names — & What They Meant to Me
Zacharia Eliyahu Sadetsky. That’s my full Hebrew name. But you might have known me as Zach, Eli, Alex, Memphis — maybe just Sharabii. Every name stuck for a reason, every name left a mark. Some people still use ones I outgrew. That messes you up more than you’d think. As much as people don’t see the seriousness in these names, they help me identify my direction through so many years of my life.

🗝️ Memphis — Roots & Inspiration
I grew up in Memphis, Tennessee — small Jewish community, tight circles. My dad died in a car crash when I was about six. Folks said if the car didn’t take him, the bottle would have. Mom held it all up — grandparents and my aunt filled the gaps when she couldn’t.
When I was ten, my stepdad stepped in. He had OCD, we clashed hard. I was a stubborn, rebellious kid. I pushed him away, he pushed back. Years later — when he died in his own car accident when I was 22 — I didn’t know how to grieve him right. Still don’t. I tuck it away along with a lot of other memories where I didn’t get full closure moving forward. A lot of beginning deaths at a young age and impactful experiences growing around then really stick cloudy in my before 13-14 year old years, it’s about better moving forward, but I know the older and older I get, the murkier it will become, so getting this out as soon as possible as I grow older also made a lot of sense, something I can look back towards to not lose myself after this post goes up. Back to the lore dive.
I was shy, weird, and didn't fit smoothly anywhere. But once I cracked open? I bounced — cliques, youth groups, different corners. My bar mitzvah, Jewish camp summers — they cracked the shell but didn’t fix the inside, I just never was able to pin it around then, there was just a lens of views and understandings that I never realized was different for a long time and I never paid more attention to it to connect the dots for myself. I am always fully grateful of the life I was able to aim towards, I look in the mirror and reflect as fully as possible when it comes to immature and low points with disoriented and distorted perspectives, where at the end of the day, I feel responsible for learning what I have now, fast forward a bit.

🗝️ High School — Phase One, Rebellion, & First Crash Outs
Freshman year — I was 15. Shy but testing limits. Smoked w**d for the first time at 16 with people outside my school bubble, then eventually within my school bubble. They felt more real than my hallways ever did. Got grounded a million times — low key giggle, I deserved it. Me and my stepdad clashed heavily — I stood my ground. I still don’t fully regret that. It was always pushed onto me by my step-dad to go outside, find people regardless of how much I struggled at it, I would rarely be allowed to have friends over, but based on his reasoning, it made sense to me at the time. I still always was in my world when doing what I aimed towards, from as young as I remember to even recent days I’m recalling older lessons from so many parts in my journey. This age is moving forward, and a few years before, it was already engrained onto me to constantly go out, even if I spend time outside and wandering alone. My step dad would instill into me on going out regardless of how difficult it was for me. It was also rare that I would be able to have friends over, and I understood it based on the reasoning I recall. Still.
Before being a freshman in high school, I was “crashing out” because of conflict with other students that got in my head too fast. I was always considered sensitive in so many manners, I could never explain it, I just was being. My crash outs around high school were always related from conflict with people outside and in my circles, to crash outs that developed into me being against authority a majority of the time. Conflict that was from my friends, and then there would be conflict elsewhere.
Conflict with bullying I was understanding around the time, although masked with racist behavior that I learned how to co-exist with, I never could understand the justification, poking fun with my close friends out of love is a different behavior, and bullying I saw, wasn’t that. I felt like it was just teenagers being teenagers at my school, others were extremely understanding, others were a little off with understanding their negative behavior, but I didn’t let it get to me. I really went with the jokes to co-exist and I didn't realize til later how low key messed up that was. Regardless, over the years of growing at that age and not letting it get to me, I am glad I did, and I was still able to find amazing people I felt meant to interact with.
I was a spicy rebellious teen through and through. Dated who I wanted. Broke my school bubble. Took solo trips — Chicago, St. Louis, other cities — just to meet a handful of people but build bigger circles. Those early connections showed me how much bigger life could be. All the people I would have unique chemistry with aside from a few people in my school, would spark so much.
Back then, I learned violin around 11, guitar at 16 — by then I was deep into music. Hip hop, jazz, metal, EDM. Disturbed, Slipknot, Prince, Jeezy, John Mayer, Sugar Ray — anything that moved me. I got my hands on DJ software at 17, binged Ultra livestreams, and wanted to attend the festival, which was one of the first festivals oriented around EDM that I discovered. Production came later — back then I thought it meant booking studios, hiring artists, building from scratch. EDM hit me through Porter Robinson, Skrillex, Deadmau5, Kaskade — the door cracked wide open.
I didn’t realize it just yet, but I stayed true to being a violinist and playing guitar with friends. I had a tremendous amount of awesome memories around those two instruments. I can still remember some memories when it came to jamming on instruments within different cities and on so many adventures outside of my bubble at my school.
Around these years I was bouncing from circle to circle a lot in my older teenage years, but to a refined level of sparking a tremendous amount of awesome memories where some lessons hold strong for how I try to do better. Attending more concerts and raves at the ages of 16-17-18 moving forward. With colliding with my step dad and other authority figures around these years, my rebellious personality slowly takes its shape. Around the last year of attending my school in Memphis. I didn’t learn the serious parts of DJ controllers and learn industry standard equipment. I was always fascinated by all the events I went to, only to be humbled when moving later. Around the summer of my sophomore and junior year, I would be working at the camp I attended when I was younger. The opportunity had me excited, motivated with other activities I always had around summer with my friends at the time. So many memories that still live rent free in my head.

🗝️ The Camp Story — The Rumor That Shaped Me — How I Moved Forward
One summer I worked camp kitchen staff with a girl I vibed with. It was a messy teen thing — beach walks, sneaking around, hickies, stupid giggles, no label. Then the next morning — blindsided. Called in, accused of something I’d never do. I was puddling tears, frozen. Couldn’t defend myself right. My friends and family knew who I am, who I’m not. That mess taught me how fast rumors stick when people stay quiet. I wish everyone from that time peace — no hard feelings. But I’ll never forget the stain it left in my mouth turning 17.
Consent’s simple — always has been. I’m not great at reading cues, but no means no. That’s that. I could never understand how my co worker didn’t want to clear the air on the misunderstandings. I was publicly humiliated at work by my boss, I felt he had gone behind my back and looked into my phone. And the lady couldn’t speak up about the fact of consenting and being on mutual understandings. I was suspended for the weekend, but then I was allowed to return to work as a sail boat assistant. I was on this trial period, that if I worked appropriately, it would be fine, what they meant by that was not talking to any of my lady friends that were my co-workers, but everything was platonic with them. I felt like I was being pushed into isolation from my boss, and I could never make sense of it nor ever have the closure, and I am fine without the closure. I failed the trial period but I felt I paid my dues in showing my true character to dispel rumors.
I went back to finish my last year in Memphis with heavy energy, but motivated to find my direction intended for my spirit to align with my physically, I didn’t know exactly how aside from allowing my heart and mind to gravitate instantly where it made sense and not question so much — still holding adventures and goodbyes close with how my feelings developed over the years from so many memories. Before the end of summer, I discovered my mom and stepdad’s engagement was done for good and they were splitting ways, there was always fighting that I overheard when I was younger, but I never fully comprehended the full depth to it, still even to this day, I don’t know everything I needed to know when it came to his toxicity. The day I turned 18 that summer — I knew it was time to go after junior year was such an awesome year with my classmates and friends from my school and outside of my school. Ending that year, I didn’t return to the camp, and I was confirmed on predicted behaviors by others that still went the next year. I was just a feral degenerate that was enjoying less pressure from my “step dad” because of splitting paths, I could finally speak my part and not worry too much about physical repercussions. I was smoking ho**ah, ci******es, w**d, constantly and impulsively drinking as well. Enjoying the parties I was able to be around that summer and end on a goodbye party at the house. These end of my years in memories, will always stay as a reminder of trying to do better with the new people I would meet, but just because I had all this previous experience already. Doesn’t necessarily mean it’s going to be the smoothest journey, but it was a journey I am going to be forever grateful for being able to try towards.

🗝️ Leaving Memphis — A New Phase
Back then when moving to Philadelphia at 18, although scary at first, I wasn’t extremely nervous, I was excited with how things could lead, I can continue to move forward better and not have my past feel like it was weighing me down too much. I was already still stuck with the previous impactful experiences I had, but it didn’t take away my spark. I slowly lost touch of that spark over the years, got it back in phases, and it goes back and forth for a bit, Realizing my toxic behaviors that affected my family and friends later, it really glues onto me to do better as best as I could, especially when it aligns to me properly, but it may not make sense to 90% of people around me. Anyhow, the summer of turning 18, I threw myself a goodbye party, played a few laptop parties, hugged people I’d never see again. Moved to Philadelphia at the end of summer to “finish” senior year at another Jewish high school.
I stayed with my aunt’s family. But truth is — my mind was already at Temple college parties, DJing as a high school senior. School was never going to hold me after that. I gave up. I thought I’d never graduate anyway. Broke me — but it happened the way it had to. Fast forward a bit, I threw my first event with friends in the year of 2015. Firstly though, let me rewind to the years leading up and after this journey.
Around this time, Mom found us a tiny apartment after I left my aunt’s. That’s when Philly really started carving me up. Around moving into the new place, I was already meeting new circles outside of my school. It didn’t take me long to instantly bond with those I met. Their energy and personalities, I don’t know how

🗝️ Philly — Dark Years, Golden Nights, Messy Lessons
Would I change it? Maybe. Maybe not. Every bruise taught me more than a diploma ever did.
Back then, I threw parties, they weren’t as golden as my adventures in Memphis, but the adventures in Memphis definitely set me on a direction I was going to be focused on for a large amount of time. Played every venue that’d have me. Houses, warehouses, clubs — all of it. Validation was oxygen. I grabbed every circle I could — some lasted, some rotted. Back then in those years and till around 27-28 would begin a journey where I was extremely hyperfixated on the party life, connecting the dots from my past memories, it made sense that this journey was aligned for someone like myself. I didn’t know exactly where it was going to lead, but around the time I felt extremely convinced that if I continued my journey it would lead me to people to connect and work with, and take things to levels I never thought I’d be able to experience.
Between 19–20, This was as I mentioned before, throwing my first official event at a venue called District N9ne, we had booked Troyboi and Gent n Jawns as main acts for the event. It was an awe consuming experience, despite the conflict that personally developed, we had a successful night regardless. I wouldn’t go back and change anything to be able to learn as I was able to, regardless of it being a little on the slower side of learning fast. I went to Israel soon after due to the birthright trip I was always eligible for as a Jew, being there on my own journey for the first time. Some random dude said I looked like a Sharabi. I went to Israel for a birthright trip that I was eligible for. It was a fascinating journey learning about the roots and history of my religious homeland. Being able to experience and see a lot for myself that is able to dispel a lot of misunderstandings, My last day in Israel before leaving though, we were in Tel Aviv and we had a rocket shot at our city, I had to make it to a bomb shelter, and had an israeli family speak to me in hebrew, asking to help their baby in a stroller up the stairs to get to the shelter, I was on the phone, explained quickly, hung up, and helped the family with the stroller. We made the best of the situation, and I still wouldn’t go back and change that journey. On that journey, our security guard stationed with us for the trip, told me I looked like someone named Sharabi. I didn’t know the spelling — just kept it in my head and wanted to reflect on it when I got home.
Around 20, mental health peaked and caved soon after. In and out of psych wards. Meds stacked on meds that clashed and numbed me worse. I’d play shows, then vanish. Dissociate mid-conversation. Some friends stayed. Some ran. I don’t blame either side. I cut people off too. Held on too tight when I shouldn’t have. Sabotaged good things when I didn’t know how to speak up. It baffles me when I look back at those years, how did I navigate progressively despite my horrible mental health? It feels like trying to make sense of it will always be a tough battle depending on your journey, I didn’t realize I was rediscovering myself slowly but surely after later realizing it was necessary for the circles I was around to grow apart, my real friends around then didn’t give up on me though. It was around this year, as I mentioned before, where I was able to throw my first event with friends.
21 — my friends convinced me to go out for my birthday when I wanted to be alone, suffer in silence, and just figure myself out while being lost, I still was attached to the validation of my friends in manners I shouldn’t have been, I caused myself to cloud my perspectives and turn numb. I was there but not really. They tried. I didn’t know how to say I’m not okay. Or what I needed. I’d learn that lesson late — too late for some people who deserved better.
When my stepdad died at 22, I shut down parts of me I still haven’t reopened. Grief’s weird. You don’t always feel it right away — sometimes it drips on you for years. His lessons don’t start hitting harder till later down the line, and after death, it’s really when I learned forgiveness and acceptance regardless of my views around the time he was alive, things clicked, but not fully.
21–23 — stripped off the wrong meds. I went down from many to one that keeps me present. Rebuilt my voice from scratch, it felt like I was starting over on how to converse with people at the unique levels I was special in. Over the years of social awkwardness, bouncing from circle to circle, through so many phases of my identity, I developed a voice, and during mental illness, I lost it. It was definitely worse in comparison to years before, it was trial and error, but in the peak years of mental health, it felt like it was being chiseled out. I learned sound engineering with friends and oftentimes, alone and with associates in music, who gave me the assurance to learn at a natural pace, not needing to be rushed. I am grateful for the people that were receptive to listening to me and invited me in their circles, they guided and supported me to their best that made sense, I am forever grateful. I multi-tasked when trying to learn elsewhere though, Patreon, YouTube. Trial and error. From MemphiZ to Sharabii — bookings younger me dreamed of. Travel, sets, stages. Nights that looked golden on the outside. Inside? Mostly empty. But surviving. I would get into journalism, writing articles for people I always felt deserved the spotlight for their unique skills and art. Despite falling out later, due to my immaturity, I was forever grateful for the opportunities, I am grateful to have been given a chance. The only way I look back is on how I can do better with the people around me now. Even when taking my medicine, I didn’t realize I was getting too old where I wasn’t stomaching alcohol as I normally did. I had embarrassing experiences when it came to blacking out from alcohol, thankfully no one ever got hurt during these scenarios. The experiences though, would stick with me to make sure I never drink myself to those levels. Aging from this year to 25 would be significant, after losing my voice I was getting back into dating and figuring out a foundation, I didn’t realize I wasn’t ready for a relationship. I was filling in gaps when I needed to focus elsewhere, and not where I wanted to focus.
Covid flipped my world — but truth is, I crashed my own career more than the pandemic ever could, covid didn’t break my career, I did. My behavior with managers, with my friends in music, I realize these were obstacles I was creating because I didn’t learn to make wiser choices for myself, even if it meant being more alone. Messy deals. Bad comms. Burned bridges. That’s all on me. If you were part of that — I’m sorry. I’m still grateful for what we tried. Around Covid would be where I was able to headline, co-headline, and have opportunities for festivals. Younger me would also be so happy to see those accomplishments, despite it being small to others. I always believed I never deserved the life I was privileged to be able to try towards. It’s an absolute privilege to this day that people still want to listen to my music, my thoughts, and etc. During these years and moving forward, there would be lessons that would glue onto me, the mistakes I had made were extremely impactful around this time, and the decisions I felt were right to make, always felt like the negative consequences outweighed the good, and that stuff would get to me in later years. My su***de attempts before, and leading to around this time and after, I realize are just signs of exhaustion, spiritual and physical.

🗝️ What “Sharabii” Really Means
Sharabii isn’t just an alias. It’s a word for every nickname, every late-night mix, every lesson I paid for. I claim it because it reminds me what I was — and what I’m not staying.
The name means drunken one in Urdu — but for me it means drunk on this: music, chaos, making a difference to people that needed it, connection, the hum in a room when the beat’s right and nothing else matters. The understanding of how Sharabii applies to all my phases in my life, how I chose to maintain this perspective before the influence of other substances and people, and then realize that those same scenarios of interactions, I am intoxicated by them based off the chemistry and how it made my brain feel due to mutual understandings. “Sharabii” applies to all my phases. It reminds me how I let the chaos, the chemistry, the progressive impact of scenarios, the conflicts, all intoxicating me in many manners — and how I still learned. The ‘Sharabii Perspective’ is for anyone who relates, not just me.”
I pictured Sharabii as a bridge too — someday gear rentals, sound systems, open vaults for artists who deserve more chances than I had when I was winging it alone. I wanted this bridge to be built to guide and inspire people, to be of assistance to people in need that were meant to interact with me.

🗝️ Where I Am Now — Where I Want to Go
BPD and schizoaffective disorder shaped so much of me back then. Fortunately, they won’t script the ending. Back then when my mental health was peaking, I didn’t fully get how it shaped me — or how it hurt people I cared about, I reacted emotionally where I felt clouded by biased justification. I’m still unlearning. Still catching up. I didn’t even start using the right tools and outlets until I was 28 to 30. Through 28-30 I would take a couple of more shows at 28, but then call it a break that was long overdue. Finding myself again outside of music, my personality, how it all connected since I had lost my way for so long, rediscovering the goals I had that were shelved because I was more fixated on a grind I wasn’t meant for. During these couple of years I’ve spent working and reflecting on how I want to move forward in my 30s, stronger, and focused on a proper foundation where I can survive, to later improve it to a foundation where I can thrive.
If you ever wondered why I ghosted you, pushed you, pulled you — here’s your answer. If you were part of my chaos — I see you. I’m sorry for what I did to survive the only way I knew how. I didn’t look in the mirror fully till things lined up in the weirdest times, and even then, I still wasn’t learning to the fullest level I was supposed to.
I tried to end it more than once. Young me didn’t know better. Older me should have, but still would make these mistakes at an age I feel I shouldn’t. The scars are mine — Memphis, Philly, impulsive nights I wish I could undo. Relapses, conflict created because of my immaturity and pursuit in a life I wasn’t fully educated on. But I’m still here. Rebuilding. So many memories though, I can’t let go of for so many reasons, and it’s okay to take them where they will lead with me at the end of the tunnel in my journey of life after succeeding where I am aiming towards. I am purely a work in progress grateful of my journey, regretting my past decisions, but not letting it weigh me down to do better now.
I still want to stand for lessons as long as I can remember them, especially when new people around me that I interact with, can remind me of so many lessons I’m still learning from, I see it as an opportunity for them to do better than I can, and my voice will always be available to support them to the best of my abilities. Don’t crash your head in the ways I did, don’t get consumed by materialistic gratification like I did. Don’t sign up for the dream without knowing the cost. I’ll keep telling that story authentically and fairly in the ways I can. Believe in yourself, and even through phases when alone and unsure who and how to lean on people. People will see you for you, and what is meant for you will stay around for the time it is meant to stay around for.

🗝️ What Comes Next — And What I Owe You
I’m putting this out because if I ever come back fully to music — it’s with clear air. If you rock with me again, you deserve to know me first — not just a poster on a feed.
When I come back, it’s human-first. No sides. No empty alliances. No forced politics. No Religious politics. All of that conflict had clouded my head from focusing where it mattered, I didn’t need to listen to things that were uncontrollable. It’s better to be focused with the people that know we have a chance to make a progressive difference. To strive for authentic coexistence, tolerance and not tolerating things that are meant to shackle people or weigh them down unfairly, to progress as a unit, or solo, I want to embrace growth and learning with the people who vibe with the real me, even for a limited time that could be. I will continue to strive for boundaries that are communicated by healthy means, standing ground to keep the walls up where it matters to prevent conflict to the best of my abilities. Continue to communicate healthily and sometimes immediately if the time calls for it, so we can continue the balance of people feeling heard fully and to break the chains of not being heard. There is no reason to maintain being bitter like the ones before us. I will continue to utilize healthy outlets to survive as I continue to work on my proper foundation to survive better moving forward. Eventually to be able to thrive and help others get on that same level.
I made the decision to start releasing a lot of music I have sat on for too long, I wanted to clear the air with songs I’ve held onto for years due to so many memories attached to them, only to be polished by newer memories that allow me to have an aligned energy with my music material. 20% of every dollar I make goes straight to two organizations working in the conflict in Israel. Not performative. It’s my way of paying back what I couldn’t fix alone. A piece of coexistence. A break in old chains.
I want everything that I continue with moving forward to be examples of the real me that will clear the air on misunderstandings, move forward with a better mindset, and learn better to prevent myself from instigating and creating conflict that would negatively affect the people I care about.
There will never be enough apologies to fit in one post, but being honest with so much bottled, feels like a step in the right direction. I don’t want to paint anyone a villain nor victimize myself when it comes to my conflict, we are just humans at the end of the day, doing what we can for ourselves, and oftentimes that will collide with others. I can’t cosign behaviors I would never be interested in partaking in, but I can’t judge anyone for doing differently with the complex cards we are given in life. I own where I miscommunicated, mishandled, and misread people. I hold my lessons tighter now — so I can do better than before.

🗝️ If You’re Still Here
Thank you for reading this. If you’ve got memories with me — maybe this fills in what you never knew. Maybe it answers why I went silent. Maybe it explains why I’m still here.
If I don’t reply fast — don’t think I don’t care. I’m learning to protect my head. Sometimes I ghost because I have to. But I circle back when I can.
I plan to stay. I plan to do better. I owe that to myself, my people, and anyone who ever looked at me and saw the real me under the masks.
Thank you for seeing me — and for letting me see myself clearer too.
— Sharabii

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