Negotiation Fox

I ran across this post from 2011 and decided that it deserves reiteration.

KEEPiNG PEACE AT THE HOLIDAYS
It’s that time of year when we gather with family and friends to enjoy good food, family traditions and just being together with one another. Along with the wonderful moments, sometimes old grievances pay us a holiday visit, as well – perhaps the ghosts of Christmases (or childhoods) past. How can we keep joy in the holidays? As in all negotiation situations, preparation is key.
Here are a few tips:
1. Anticipate the issues and bring them up in advance of the visit, when everyone is still looking forward to getting together. You could say, “Remember the time we kept arguing about ...? How silly to have wasted our time together over that. I’m so glad we have a chance to make up that time this year.”
A friend of mine is going to visit her sister over the holiday. For the past few years, the size of my friend’s suitcase has been an irritant to her sister, regardless of whether they’re visiting each other or going somewhere together. Further, this issue seems to be the first thing that comes up when they get together – not a congenial beginning. So when my friend asked my advice, I told her to tell her sister up-front that she is bringing a large suitcase, and to inject some humor in her statement, such as “be sure your trunk is empty when you pick me up, Santa’s bag is always big.” By getting past grievances out in the open before we get together with loved ones, we can better enjoy the time we spend with them.
2. Recognize that families may have different traditions with regard to celebrating the holidays. If you’re blending families this holiday, be prepared to give something up – as in any negotiation. Spending the holidays with others is akin to multi-cultural negotiations. Think about what’s most important to you and what you’re willing to concede. Menu items? Table setting? Schedule? Gift traditions?
Jello not your idea of salad? What are you willing to trade to get that off the menu? Your traditional lutefisk main course for Christmas Eve dinner?
3. Consider how you will respond if others hit you with provocative statements or questions. These are some comebacks that often defuse altercations. Start with, “That’s interesting,” then follow with any of these alternatives:
a) I hadn’t thought of it that way
b) What makes you say that?
c) What makes you think that?
d) What makes you ask that?
May your holidays be filled with joy, merriment - and peace that comes from successful negotiations.

On April 27 I'll be speaking at the Radix Collective PR Summit in downtown Los Angeles. Here's a short sampling of some of the questions I'll be addressing at the conference. For further information or to register, please go to: https://www.linkedin.com/groups/135817/135817-6257274473234333696

Nancy, what is the #1 Mistake People Make in Negotiations?

Most people feel that they are in the weaker position when they enter a negotiation, and that assumption can actually PUT them in the weaker position, because expectations drive behaviors. In other words, their sense of insecurity will be transmitted to the other party. If you do your homework prior to entering a negotiation, you should go in feeling confident and strong, and that already puts you one leg up.

How does gender play into negotiations?

Research shows that women are 4 times less likely than men to initiate a negotiation. There are lots of reasons for that, some of which we’ll talk about at the Radix Conference, but the point I want to make here is simply that failure to negotiate, for example a salary, is partially responsible for the gender pay gap.

What holds people back from succeeding at negotiating?

Often, people don’t really know what they want, and if you don’t know what you want, then you can’t expect to get it. You have to know what you want and why you want it. The toughest person with whom we have to negotiate may be ourselves!We’ll talk more about this at the Radix Conference.

What advice do you have for people in the client service industry, who might be afraid of pushing back with a client or prospect?

There is a myth that good negotiators have to be fast talkers, but in fact that’s not the case.To be a good negotiator you have to ask lots of questions and then listen actively to the client’s response. You have to empathize with them, even if you don’t necessarily agree. This process actually helps build client rapport.

Do museums have a moral obligation to engage in political issues as part of their educational mission, or should they avoid politics to avoid offending their supporters?

American Museums Tend to Tiptoe Around Politics Jonathan Horowitz’s installation “Your Land/My Land” raises questions about the function of museums and the purpose and quality of politically engaged art.