Kay Bela Coaching

Happy New Year 🥳 I know this past year has been full of ups, downs, and everything in between for all of us. Here’s to 2025 being about improving ourselves so we can enjoy our lives to the fullest and be ready for any curveballs that life throws at us unexpectedly. What are some goals you are setting for yourself this year?

How can I handle myself when I feel activated?

While EMDR helps to get to the root, I get asked a lot about how to respond in the day to day when they are activated.

As a general step by step, these are usually the steps I encourage clients to take:
-Notice the activation
-Notice where it’s coming from (memories, people, etc.)
-Notice how you WANT to respond
-Look at the Facts vs. Feelings by asking “what are the facts in the situation?” Or “Is there any evidence letting me know that this response is valid?”
-Choose how you WILL respond

This is also known as a DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) skill often called “Fact vs. Feelings” and “Acting As If”

An example may look like:
-Notice the activation: My friend laughed at me when I tripped. I felt unsafe with this person, like they will bully me.
-Notice where it’s coming from: This reminds me of when I was a kid being bullied.
-Notice how you WANT to respond: I want to shut down, shut them out of my life and drink alcohol.
-Look at the facts and any evidence that this is/is not a valid response: I know that this friend is laughing WITH me, not AT me because they have proven themselves to be a loyal, kind, safe friend. I also know alcohol will numb these feelings, not help me work through them.
-Choose how you WILL respond: I’ll communicate my feelings with this friend because we care for each other. I’ll also work through this activation with EMDR and my therapist.

In this way, we are drawing awareness to our state and its source, facing and validating our feelings (instead of avoiding, dismissing, or numbing), and handling ourselves in a healthy way that will lead to healthier outlets and relationships with others.

I hope this helps! I am currently not accepting new clients or appointments, but plan to start operating as normal within the first few months of the new year.

See you soon,
Kay