The Inked Doula

Bereavement Doulas.

I don’t miss being pregnant.

I miss that baby.

The one whose name I whispered before anyone else knew.

The one I counted weeks for.

The one I imagined at Christmas.

The one I pictured in the backseat.

The one I wondered about every time I walked past the baby aisle.

People always say, “You can have another.”

But grief was never about wanting a baby.

It was about losing that baby.

That heartbeat.

That future.

That little person who only existed for a moment, but changed my life forever.

And no pregnancy after that one could ever replace the child I was already in love with.

My goal was always to be the best mom. I got it wrong a lot. But I gave all I had.

One day my kids will talk about their childhood.

And I truly hope they remember how hard I fought for us.

Not just financially.
Not just physically.
But emotionally too.

I hope they remember a mom who kept going even when she was exhausted.
A mom who chose healing.
A mom who apologized when she got it wrong.
A mom who made home feel safe, even while rebuilding herself.

I hope they remember laughter in the kitchen.
Late night talks.
Dance parties.
Bedtime hugs.

I know I’m not a perfect mother.
But I pray when they look back, they remember a woman who loved them with everything she had.

And a woman who stayed strong enough to change the story for all of us.

Let them be snuggled in heaven too!

If you’re in the season of waiting… maybe your baby is spending a little extra time with the loved ones you miss most.

Maybe they’re being rocked in the arms of someone you’d give anything to hug again.
Maybe they’re hearing stories about the family they’re about to join.
About how badly they’re wanted.
How fiercely they’ll be loved.
How long you’ve been waiting for them.

Maybe they’re getting a few extra cuddles in heaven before making their way to you.

And maybe, just maybe, this season of waiting doesn’t feel quite as heavy when you imagine they’re being loved every second until they land in your arms.

Truth!!!!