That Crafty Mermaid

Hope everyone is enjoying this 4th
of July!

Mermaid’s Baldwin County Weather Report

“Well hey there, my beach babies! It’s your favorite Mermaid with your completely unnecessary—but absolutely accurate—Baldwin County weather report.

Today’s forecast?
We’re expecting a high of Lord Have Mercy with a 100% chance of saying, ‘It ain’t the heat…’

…followed by everybody within 20 feet answering,
‘It’s the humidity!’

Humidity today is sitting somewhere around hair salon refund.

Ladies… don’t curl your hair.
Nature already made other plans.

Men… y’all can quit ironing those shirts.
By the time you walk from the front door to the truck, you’re wearing steamed wrinkles.

Beach conditions?
The sand is approximately the temperature of Satan’s crockpot.
You’ll make it five steps before doing that little Baldwin County Beach Shuffle…
‘Hop! Hop! Hop! HOT! HOT! HOT!’

And for all y’all grilling today…
You don’t even need charcoal.
Just hold that hamburger up toward the sun for about twelve minutes.
Flip it once.

Mosquito report?
They’re no longer biting…
They’re filing homestead exemptions.
One landed on my porch this morning and asked if I had a spare bedroom.

This afternoon we’ll have our regularly scheduled thunderstorm…
Thirty-seven seconds of complete panic…
Enough rain to float a bass boat…
Then sunshine so bright you’ll question your own memory.

And finally…
To whoever washed their car yesterday…
Thank you for your sacrifice.
You caused the rain for the rest of us.

This has been your Crafty Mermaid Weather Report…
Where the forecast is mostly sunshine, scattered laughter, and a 99% chance somebody’s gonna say,
‘Whew… it’s a scorcher out there!’”

Hoping Everyone has a Wonderful 4th of July!