The Bad Idea Running Club

Both great-grandmothers are loved and remembered everyday. If I leave a legacy half as good as their's, I will be satisfied.

Part one....
Every time I feel the debilitaing heaviness come over me, I tell myself: tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow I will feel like myself again and I will have the will to do the things I once loved and thrived from... tomorrow is always a day away, a sunrise to wake you up, a new start... my tomorrows have not been sunrises... and what I have felt for months has felt endless... tomorrows get strung together and before you know it, a month has passed... a month of personal neglect... a month of self loathing... a month of being unsure about everything... a month of struggling just to get out of bed... to show up and play the role you have to play all whilst being pulled from the role you wanted to play... the curated personality gets weighed down... we can only take so much...
then you realise it has been more than a month... more than a year... it has been a long time coming... pressing down feelings and emotions most of your life... only expressing guilt from the failures you use as your life's measuring stick... you remember how you struggled and rangered on... how you would drink one more to forget... how finding a pill to make you feel numb worked, until it did not... how you would emerse yourself in work... or play... just to avoid... feeling anything... only to end up feeling everything all at once... you are a veneer of a real person... there was even a time when you had the right personality... you had all the right friends... the right look... the right skills... but for what... for who... but the question that weighed most on your soul... why?
Why do I do this, that, or the other? Why am I like this? Why can I just say what I really feel all the time? Why do I feel worthless if everyone says I am not? Why will my brain stop when I need it the most, yet never stop when I absolutely need it to? There are so many "whys" I could list... but why would I?

Part two continued in the comments...

Today I rode ... no strava, no tracking, not even a watch... just rode my bike.. and it was a good time... I probably should have taken a few more pics... but I have been lacking in that department for a couple weeks... I will do better next time... muthafukka