CLARTHOUSE

drop 04: “pouring from an empty cup”

inspired by the fourth lesson i learned with clarthouse:
what i feared was the end, was actually the beginning.

i’ve learned that what you want often lives on the other side of your fears— and sometimes, the moment you think you’ve reached your limit is the exact moment you meet your real self.

burning out truly broke me, but it also cracked something open. and on the other side, i found clarity.

it’s funny though. i made this piece a year ago and never shared it. i was too scared of what people might think. it felt… depressing? especially since the reference photo i used was my actual bedroom. i was literally living in a constant state of mess and anxiety, and i trapped myself there for years thinking it was just what i had to do.

this piece was made at the very first of many breaking points. i remember taking a photo of my room and just staring at it like, how did it get this bad???😩
i had been treading between a very thin open space of clothes, art supplies, and literally everything else, just to get from my door to my bed. i felt helpless. and exhausted. so i drew. idk why really— but i did. and somehow, i made one of the most detailed & most vulnerable pieces i’d done in a long time.

i was physically and emotionally spent— and still, i was trying to make something of it. trying to create while completely disconnected from myself.

i kept giving and giving, hoping to keep clarthouse alive. but eventually, i realized: i had nothing left to give. i was giving past myself.

this is the most honest piece in my collection. and the most painful. it’s not really pretty? it just is what it is hahaha. just a moment where i was like yeah, i don’t know if i can do this anymore?

this is for anyone who’s ever pushed themselves too far. for whoever kept pouring even when their cup was empty.

my final lesson drops tomorrow.

thanks for reading through what felt like my lowest point with clarthouse. i wasn’t sure if I’d ever share this piece, but it’s honestly one of my favorite drawings I’ve ever done. it feels so.. me. and i guess that’s the scariest part about it.

drop 03: “heart on my sleeve”
~available as a necklace and a bracelet~

and inspired by the third lesson i learned with clarthouse:
to be open. be raw. be real.

this piece represents vulnerability— letting people in, even when it feels scary😳
a clam opens when it feels safe, to a pearl— something rare and formed slowly under pressure.
this piece is a reminder that being vulnerable is not a weakness— it’s a sign of strength. that despite all the pain the world may throw at you, you still choose to be open, to be gentle. and i think that, is one of the bravest things a person can do.

for a large part of my life— and a large part of clarthouse— i tried hiding the things about myself that weren’t picture-perfect. i was obsessed with making everything look polished, curated, right. but more often than not, things were messy behind the scenes. chaotic. confusing. i was always trying to make things look perfect, even when i didn’t feel that way at all.

eventually i realized: no one cares as much as you think they do. everyone’s too busy worrying about themselves. and if they are judging you? that probably says more about them than it does about you.

so for me, this piece represents my choice to be earnest. to be open. to be vulnerable. even if it means getting hurt sometimes, i think it’ll always be more fulfilling than pretending to be someone I’m not. because the only person who loses when you hide your true self is you.

i always thought i’d share my “true self” once i “made it,” but i’ve realized… the journey is part of who i am. not the filtered or performative version, but the messy, real, behind-the-scenes one.

so if you’ve gotten this far, thanks for reading thru my messy ramblings, and here’s to choosing openness, to choosing vulnerability. to showing up with your heart on your sleeve.

lesson #04 drops tomorrow.

thank you for letting me be seen— and feel seen. the last few days have been so meaningful to me. the support, the love, everything. ive never felt so much joy and peace in my work, and i appreciate you all so much.

drop 01: “don’t move”

inspired by the first lesson i learned with clarthouse:
don’t get stuck in a loop. rest is movement too.

I painted this piece during a time I felt stuck in clarthouse. I felt paralyzed. I felt like I was drowning. I remember nights of forcing my body to its absolute limits preparing for drops, collections, pop ups, doing everything I could to stay afloat. I remember telling myself I’d rest when the collection is done, when orders are out, when the pop up is over. That I couldn’t waste time sleeping or eating now, that I had work to do.

I told myself that if I rested even for 30 minutes, I would lose the very small window of time I needed to check in on my work, make sure things were good. Resin is a very finicky medium, and it’s not a forgiving one. You need to work fast, work carefully, work safely, work slowly, work on everything all at once, not too slow, not too fast, not too careful, just a bit creative but also stay in the lines.

I was exhausted, and this was a piece I created when I would get stuck in those loops. I remember I’d even stop breathing on accident sometimes, and I’d feel like I was tightening every muscle in my body just to stay afloat. But I’d have to be careful because there was always something watching, which was the shark in this painting.

Honestly, it’s weird because I saw myself as the girl and the shark at the same time when I first painted this. I remember feeling like I could see a light at the end each time, but it was faint, and I was never really sure if I’d make it each time, but I’d push and push and push.

Eventually, aging and burnout bites you in the butt, and I was forced to realize that my body needs to be prioritized first and foremost. It’s a lesson I’m still learning to this day, but it’s the first lesson I learned with clarthouse.

lesson #02 drops tomorrow.

thanks for reading :’)