amanda_frederick_

Had the best bachelorette weekend celebrating with some 🔥ladies. we walked, we ate, we laughed, we spa'd, we danced, ate some more, laughed some more, my face and abs are still sore. didn't mean to rhyme but that's cool

What's your pattern with choosing connection to SELF over connection to others?

the discomfort of letting others down so you can continue to live in your truth.. is really fcking hard. +honestly sometimes isolating.

this year has been very defining for me in terms of staying in my own energy. especially, w/ an old pattern of people pleasing.

i've met incredible people i call "lifers," or ones u know will be around for the long haul. they don't need anything from you..they just genuinely enjoy your energy, their own energy and within that, so much gets to happen.

i've also had some really incredible lessons in terms of relationships, both romantic and platonic- in that, not every single person is going to be (nor should they be) a "lifer."

i think we have a tendency to view most relationships as something that should be forever, +this belief has us attaching to people differently than we would if we took what i'm about to share more seriously...

🔥no one owes you anything. no one needs to stick around. +you also don't owe anyone anything +ur not obligated to continue showing up either.

some connections, containers, +REAL-ationships have an expiration date. and it's our responsibility to honor the fck out of that truth +not use it as a way to discount or discredit what those experiences created for us. or for them.

there's ALWAYS a reason. every single person we encounter and choose to connect with is offering us a gift, lesson+initiation into more of who WE are.

this 👆🏻 is what i'm taking away from all the "endings," +chapters closing.

the connections were real. my heart was in each of them, fully. and sometimes my heart hurts because it's yearning for that connection- which is now my responsibility to fill.

a rupture or ending gets to be the beginning of what we create next. +it starts with our own heart.

it feels awkward at first because there's space where others were pouring in, +what a gift that was.

+now it's the gift we offer ourselves.

how are you pouring into you today?

i ask myself this when i'm longing for those connections.. because that energy is also within me.

it's not easy, but it's true, which feels important.❤️

The intimacy you’re craving is possible and most likely it’s already in your life…

Intimacy is a back and forth journey, into your own soul and that of another. It requires you to go on a scavenger hunt in some of your darkest places+ to reveal what you find to another.

It’s confronting. It’s being seen, known, and understood on a level many will never experience. Because being REALLY intimate is scary. But it’s not the actual intimacy we’re afraid of…quite the opposite.

We’re afraid of losing the connection, so instead of being really honest about ourselves and what we experience, we hide. Instead of moving towards the DEEP, fulfilling relationships we want, we turn and run the other way.

We have surface level conversations, remain polite and cordial, living up to the unaligned standards we didn’t even set… because that option creates less of a risk. But it’s draining, so draining, and while we’re wearing this mask and playing the part we start to disconnect from our truth even more.

We eat too much food, numb out with alcohol and drugs and sometimes we even hurt people. Not because we want to, but because we’re so afraid that they’ll leave, not love or accept us, or even shame us for being, well ourselves. So we keep hiding. In fear of not belonging.

But the truth is, we all experience this. We all have darker parts of us we’d rather not let others know about, but the fear of losing a surface level connection is keeping you from experiencing what you really crave.

The intimacy is already there. You already have it, you’re just still somehow making YOU wrong, which is causing you to stay closed off and guarded with the people you actually want to be closer to you.

You don’t need to change anything. You don’t need to read a book, switch careers, or find a “better” partner.

You just need to be real and reveal who you really are and claim what you really want. Because you know yourself, and they want to know you too, ALL of you. So bring it.

The more you reveal the deeper you get to go, and the deeper you go the better it gets.

so what part of you is hiding+ how can you start to love on it?

Your presence is the gift.⚡️

This mantra has been on repeat for my clients because like myself, they’ve experienced moments where this didn't feel true.

I recently had an old romantic partner reach out, wanting to reconnect. It was as if he had forgotten about our past.

After months of building what I had thought was a beautiful journey into TRUST… it unraveled. +long story short I was basically ghosted.🤦🏽‍♀️

4 months had passed since we had any type of communication. When he decided to reach out +wanted to “meet up,” I considered it...

But first, I reflected...
I remembered:
⚡️he wasn’t truthful about his intentions
⚡️he told me what I wanted (+needed) to hear to stay interested
⚡️he kept me close enough to stay connected, but far enough away that he didn’t have to commit
⚡️I remembered how I opened my heart to him + he gave me every reason to close it off and keep it shut forever.

THIS👆🏻was exactly what I thought it was… a journey into TRUST…with myself.🔥

Because I intuitively knew that he was not for me long before I was treated like an afterthought. +This was the exact lesson I needed to lean further into myself and my desires than to give my power over to someone that isn’t a full yes for me.

Through the reflecting, I started to access all the hurt that had accumulated from past relationships- I felt it all… which gave me the option to let it go....knowing it was no longer mine to hold.

And the only thing that was left was an open heart, ready to give and receive the love that was always there all along… I had just been offering it to the wrong people.

When we get hurt, it’s easy to think that it may be easier to close ourselves off + protect our hearts. But when we do that we don’t get to experience all the love that’s waiting for us to open back up.♥️

Your presence is THE GIFT, it is more than enough, and you are deserving of the exact love you desire for yourself-so stay open…. But discern who gets to receive you. Because YOU ARE THE GIFT and not everyone deserves access.🔥

I ended up blocking this person and have no intention of reconnecting. That was all the closure I needed.