The Happy Mama Project

"I'll be happy if running and I can grow old together." -Haruki Murakami

Today is my 48th birthday.
It looks a lot different than my 47th.

Last year, I ran my 3rd ultramarathon of 2021: Peak Run Performance 100k.
This year, I was supposed to be coming off my goal race: Jupiter Sand Spur 50k.

Instead, I'm fighting my way back from a challenging year: c*vid, long c*vid (yes my HR is still wack), losing my Dad, & the ongoing nonsense that is my busted foot.

A year ago I ran 100k in a day. Now, I don't run that in a week.

Rather than be dejected, I was elated I was able to run at ALL. A few months ago, I was barely running 2x a week. As I base build again, I set a realistic goal for today: something 48. In the past I would've tried 48 miles or 48k, but today was 4.8 miles. I even paced myself so I would run 48 minutes. A peaceful slow jog around East Boca in the still dark morning, with only a headlamp, my fav podcasters Sally & Eddie, and alas, my dumb foot.

I'm happy I can run. I had too many days this year where I couldn't. Maybe by 50, I'll learn to listen to my body. Injury forces me back to strength/mobility & I added Brazilian Jiujitsu. I have an incredible team at to help me do all the things, and thankfully, a VERY patient running coach at .

As I enter my 48th year, I am full of gratitude. My motto for last year was . It came from something my coach tells me pre-race & I applied it to training. There is no rush. Build back the engine first, worry about fine tuning it later.

John Wooden would say, "Be quick, but don't hurry."

I promise to try & get things right this time. I'm not 27 like I pretend I am. In 2 years, I'll be 50. I don't run to add days to my life, I run to add life to my days. But this can't hold much truth if I hurry & make mistakes. So let's get it right, because Wooden would argue…

"If you do not have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?"

Eyes Up. 🖤
Stout Heart.

"It is only once you are grounded that you can truly soar, at least in a sustainable manner." -Brad Stulberg

I started listening to "The Practice of Groundedness" by today. This was at the suggestion of my coach . I look up to him a lot, and not only do I have the utmost respect for him, but also he and I are a LOT alike (as demonstrated last night in a random conversation about where tomatoes do & do not belong). When he talks, I listen.

I opened my ears, then shut them. I could tell this was one of those books that would make me uncomfortable. Facing reality is uncomfortable.

I get through life by being graciously mediocre. I'm not great at any one thing, nor am I terrible at all things. I float by doing "pretty ok" at many things. To challenge my mediocrity is to awaken senses I don't want to awaken. Face realities I'd prefer ignore. Admit things I'd rather not.

Truth? I'm not where I want to be. In running, training, life. I'm in an annoying injury cycle. I went from running ultras last year to barely surviving junk miles. Life is great, but chaos -- between personal health challenges (post-c*vid), losing loved ones, maintaining familial status quo. It's all stress. Not all BAD, but stress is stress.

I pretend I'm on last years trajectory. The reality? I'm not even close. The sooner I come to terms with that, the sooner I can start making progress.

Only a few chapters in & already I see where to start:

"Acceptance is not about doing nothing. Rather, it is about reckoning with what is in front of you so you can encounter it in a skillful manner…If you accept your reality you’ll feel more firmly grounded in it. You’ll be where you are, and you’ll have a much better chance of getting where you want to go."

Not long ago said, "You can't always change your Setting, so instead, change your Set." I've tried, I can't change my Setting. Time to change my Set.

I don't know where I'm going, but I've got good folk on my side. That's really all that matters, right?

Eyes Up 🖤

"If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;" -Rudyard Kipling

It's been a minute. I haven't had much to say. I'm careful not to dilute content by posting a lot about nothing.

I knew 2022 would be tricky (thanks c*vid). I'm still headed in the right direction, but it's taking a long time to get anywhere.

I went from having my sights set on a winter 50k to trying to sort out next week. I've not scrapped it (yet), but I'm not focused so far ahead, just trying to keep myself on track in the short term. Between post-c*vid HR challenges to a potential broken foot (it's not) to mental fatigue -- it's been a ride.

Some days it's a chore to lace up the shoes. Until you are in so much pain you can't run….and then all you want to do is lace up the damn shoes. Running always will be my outlet. This past month, I've needed that outlet more than ever.

Recently, I had a convo with someone very important to me (yes, you are 😉) and it started like this: "You've been through the wringer." The term "sh!tshow" came up once or twice. Essentially, I just want to run, why won't my body to cooperate?

I bi***ed & groaned. He listened. More importantly, he HEARD. There's a big difference. Maybe being heard is all I needed? For someone to listen, hear, share and laugh.

I'm supposed to be training for this 50k sand race in December. Where am I? Trying to make it a couple hours without my foot screaming. I almost made it an hour yesterday. That's funny-not-funny coming from someone who was running 50+ mile weeks not long ago. Running is a trip, y'all.

The fact is, in the words of Ferris Bueller, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." So I'm looking around. Contemplating you know - things, life, whatnot. (who got that one?)

If I race, I race. If I don't, I don't.
But at the end of the day…"All Gratitude"

Eyes Up. 🖤

We did a thing. 🏠

“You get the job done or you don’t.” -Bill Belichick

I made my way back to the pool this morning. Reluctantly crawled out of bed at 430a, despite the below freezing temps, managed to be in the water before 6a. Last night, I was making excuses not to go -- and I couldn't find any. So, I got up and showed up.

The goal today was a workout by to represent the new year -- 21x100m. Swimming anything more than about a mile is difficult on weekdays, simply due to scheduling, but today I knew I had the time. I mixed it up and did drills, pulls, paddles, and fins. I kinda bonked around 1850m for some reason, but finished out the last few meters easy and slow and headed home. I forgot a change of clothes so I had to go home soaking wet in sub-freezing temps.

I laid in front of the fire for nearly an hour -- I was so cold and sleepy. I didn't swim particularly hard, but a combo of quite a few things had me feeling REALLY off this morning. Nothing that stopped me, just made me kinda fumble through the end of the swim, that's all.

After I rehydrated, ate, and had some coffee, it was time to ride. Y’all, I haven't been on my bike in a month. No reason other than when running ramps up, cycling slows down. I had a good reason to ride today, so I made it happen, even though I really, really didn't want to. Also, that wasn't a speed ride.

Finished off with TRX/deadhangs and a 20 min core workout courtesy of / -- I love core work and it loves me back. Don't get me wrong, I have words during, but it produces consistent results in my running, so I keep at it. I didn't do extra planks, because a solid 3 min of plank work was already included. No need to over-achieve.

I have been eating, *ahem refueling* for the last hour. Protein+carb replenishment is so critical post-workout. If I don't make it happen, it's no good for anyone.

Eyes up, my friends. 🖤
Happy Wednesday.

✌️Happy Mama ☺️