Old Friend Club

I said to my wife,
"For the last 12 years, all you've done is find mistakes in anything I say to you." She
answered, "13 years."

One big difference between men and women is that if a woman says "Smell this" , it usually
smells nice.

Today is National Gray Haired Grumpy Old Woman Day…
and I expect
recognition!

I'm so old I can
remember when paper bags were destroying the world and plastic was gonna save us all.

I've officially hit the epic milestone age where an
"all-nighter" means I slept through the night without getting up to go to the bathroom

Patient: “Doctor, everyone hates me.”�Doctor: “Don’t be ridiculous. Not everyone has met you.”

I hate when my wife isn't with me. Without her l don't know when to merge, when to brake or where to park!

Welcome to adulthood, where you'll be constantly tired except for when it's time to go to sleep.

I'm getting to the age where it's rude to pull out a bottle of ibuprofen if I don't have enough for everyone

I hate when I have a day off and I go out in public and there are other people that are also not working. This is my day. Have some respect.

I was the best man at my brother's wedding in Paris. At the reception, I raised my champagne glass and said, 'Eggs, cinnamon, bread, and maple syrup.'
It was a French toast.