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What kind of communicator are you? Do you engage in debating with your partner or are you open to dialogue? In this episode, I discuss the importance of knowing what kind of communication is at play and how it helps or hinders your ability to create LOVE AT HOME. Join me! Check out this episode!

Episode 5: Debate vs Dialogue | The Catalyst Coaching [iframe style=”border:none” src=”//html5-player.libsyn.com/embed/episode/id/32053952/height/100/width//thumbnail/no/render-playlist/no/theme/custom/tdest_id/749448/custom-color/87A93A” height=”100″ width=”100%” scrolling=”no” allowfullscreen webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscre...

So much of a happy marriage isn’t in the give and take of the relationship at all - it’s how well you are aware of and can manage your own thinking.

Our thoughts are so powerful, our ability to choose, our agency, what we allow to stay and expend energy on, what story we allow to fester or how quickly we accept (maybe not endorse) but accept the current situation and what kind of a person we want to be in that moment.

Marriages are healed when we do our own healing work.
Less about them and more internal work on ourselves so that we can show up as the spouse we want to be.

That healing will come when we ask ourselves and about them - how can I make this easier on their thought work? How can I make it easier on mine?

When you do your own inner work and make it easier on your own thought work - things change. Your actions change, your demeanor changes.

We never “make” them feel anything but we can influence.

Ask yourself: am I showing up as the person and spouse I want to be?

Is what I am doing/saying going to make it easier or harder on their thoughts?

We have thoughts about everything we see, hear, remember - knowing this, even though you don’t “make” them feel anything - chances are if you are in a mood, and hurl a list of grievances in their direction- they’re going to have thoughts about that.

Just make sure that’s the direction you want to be heading in.

Thoughts are powerful and we can be a help or hinderence to our spouse and ourselves.

Love at home is created when we consider their thought work.

What impact will my actions or words have on my spouse?

How can I make it easier on their thought work?

Need help with this? 👇🏻

1.) Go check out the podcast - LOVE AT HOME
2.) Follow me on SM
3.) Subscribe to the weekly newsletter (link below)
4.) Sign up for the 1-1 coaching

Link: www.thecatalystcoaching.com

Fights in marriage can seem to come out of nowhere sometimes.
You might be perfectly pleasant and having a good day and then words are said and before you know it, you’re knee deep in conflict.

We can avoid these close calls if we know what to look for and how to show up in a mature and healthy way.

One example is to OBSERVE your partner without LABELING your partner.

Labeling looks like:
Wow, You ARE cranky.
You clearly need a nap.
You ARE being a downer.

Notice the labels:
You ARE and thus You NEED

Immediately, this will most likely trigger a defensive stance from your partner:
NO, I’m NOT!

And quickly, an escalated fight might ensue.

Here’s the truth:
We are REALLY good at people reading and REALLY bad at it too.

We are REALLY good at noticing when something is different
But really BAD at interpreting what that actually is.

Instead of diving into labels, accusations, and blatant statements
TRY making observations, asking questions, and leaning into curiosity.

Your partner might be acting differently than how they normally do:
Are they triggered by something that was said? Meaning, are they already sensitive and thinking about something else entirely? Their response to you might be a response to an inner “conversation” in their head.

Are they “cranky” or feeling something else? Frustrated maybe? Misunderstood? (Most likely)

Before “attacking” them - ask yourself:
Is it POSSIBLE I might be misreading them?
Is it POSSIBLE they are experiencing this scene differently than I am?

You can always make observations:
Something seems off - what’s up?

This approach will save you countless hours of stress, arguments, heated debates, hurt feelings, and disconnection.

Humans NEED to be seen and validated just as much as they need food and water.
When we label them - we’re not seeing them.
When we make observations and ask questions - we invite both parties to be seen, heard, and validated.

THIS approach creates LOVE AT HOME
Be the cycle breaker - don’t wait for them to show up from this mature stance - you start it.

You can model it.

You can invite LOVE AT HOME.

1.) Go check out the podcast - LOVE AT HOME
2.) Follow me on SM
3.) Subscribe to the weekly newsletter (link below)
4.) Sign up for the 1-1 coaching

Link: www.thecatalystcoaching.com

It's easy to get lost in the "doing" of day to day life that we forget how important it is to focus on who we are BEING.

So many of our struggles become lighter when we remember who we are and who we are striving to be.

We've been taught from a young age to concentrate our efforts on "doing", on achieving, on producing.

What are you going to DO when you grow up?
How are your grades?
What have you accomplished today?

David Brooks calls these, RESUME virtues.
And granted, these are important but they're secondary. What is of most importance is our relationships and what kind of a person we are choosing to be.

We want to focus ourselves on who we are becoming, how we treat our loved ones, and the kind of a human being we are right now.

Put your EULOGY virtues first and you will notice a beautiful shift in your day, in your relationships, and in the quality and quantity of love at home.

Need help?
I've got you.

1.) Go check out the podcast - LOVE AT HOME with Hannah Coles
2.) Follow me on SM
3.) Subscribe to the weekly newsletter (link below)
4.) Sign up for the 1-1 couples coaching (even if it’s just you!)

Link: www.thecatalystcoaching.com

One of my favorite teachings from Confucius is also one of the best pieces of relationship advice:

"Don’t do unto others what you don’t want done unto you."

Eastern philosophy centers on understanding that there is so much suffering in the world. It's a part of life. But we don't have to perpetuate it or especially be the cause of it.

We can alleviate some suffering in our homes, our relationships, and our own lives by keeping this truth close at heart:

If I wouldn't want it done to me - I mustn't do it to others.

We're all familiar with suffering.
We know how painful certain things have been to us.
We know the lingering effects of certain actions from others.

We can stop it.
We can alleviate some suffering for others.
We can break hurtful cycles.

Suffering can be a powerful teacher.
Use what you know (the hurt you've experienced) to take some suffering out of the world, out of your home, out of your marriage.

Need help?
I've got you.

1.) Go check out the podcast - LOVE AT HOME with Hannah Coles
2.) Follow me on SM
3.) Subscribe to the weekly newsletter (link below)
4.) Sign up for the 1-1 couples coaching (even if it’s just you!)

Link: www.thecatalystcoaching.com