Clement Milton

How to change your spouse without them knowing (the Sweatshirt Analogy) : if it’s cold in your marriage, your spouse will wear a protective sweatshirt. BUT if you start raising the thermostat by tiny bits at a time, your spouse will eventually feel too warm and take it off without you having forced/begged/argued about how great it would be if they would take off that layer that stands between the two of you.

If your spouse is cheating, don’t force them to stop seeing their lover.

I know it hurts, but most probably they started seeing that lover based on a frustration, and if you just try to force them away from their temptation without previously dealing with the unmet need, they you are just trying to take away drugs from an addict : it will simply not work.

The best Marriage Saving Strategy is invisible.

“A good traveler leaves no trace” says the Tao Te King, and in the path of that tradition I always try to guide people to walk in such a way that barely leaves any trace, but still takes them far away up to their desired destination, to use strategies that create massive change over time without the spouse ever really realizing the amount of work that was put in to generate those changes.

The ideal is to get to a place where they enjoy your presence and want more of it without them noticing that you have tried hard at all, a place where they feel like you just happened to have effortlessly realined.

That, friends, is the ideal of the Tao.

You want your spouse back, I get it, but be careful not to enter a war becauss even if you win back a defeated spouse, you will not like what you will have managed to recreate.

Getting your spouse back should follow a smooth and soft plan.