Life's Table

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Following my consultation with my medical consultant regarding my symptoms, I was advised to undergo another MRI. Having previously undergone this procedure twice, I must admit that the experience was not particularly pleasant.

Individuals who have undergone an MRI will likely understand my sentiments. As someone who experiences claustrophobia, I find the procedure to be particularly distressing.

Furthermore, the loud knocking noise that accompanies the procedure is also quite irritating, as I have a strong aversion to loud noises.

However, given that the consultant deemed it necessary for diagnostic purposes and recommended that I undergo the procedure again to rule out any potential issues, I reluctantly agreed.

Naso I come carry phone call MRI people.

After responding to some questions, I asked how much it would cost. The female voice at the other end gave me the current price and literally sent shivers down my spine.

"I have patronised you guys twice before," I tried to explain further. "Don't you guys do buy-twice-and-get-one-free promo?"

"No Sir," the voice from the other end responded.

"So, you guys charge that much now for a thirty-minutes stay inside that machine as if it's a spacecraft? Do you now serve wine and food to your clients?"

I noticed that the voice hesitated before muttering another NO under her breath. I must have pi**ed her off and I remain unapologetic about it. Are they not in this country? Dem no dey see wetin dey shele? Where di money dey? So pesin no fit sick in peace for this kwantri again? Which kind wahala be this?

I don kuku lockup! Shebi I don remove the tumor already? Wetin consign vulture with barber? If dem make me vex, I go start to dey construct the machine for my house!

Patapata na to continue to dey ask AI!

See my reaction after I ended the call. How you see my angry face?

Japheth Prosper JAN26

There's a reason I love my country so much. You see this Naija bah, e too sweet like jollof.

The other day while I was out with my daughter, a beefy fellow sprang out of the blue wearing a very concerned look. He curtsied and waved at me as if he'd known me all his life.

"Oh, see as this Oga fine like woman. Chai, wetin come do am like this?" The beefy fellow was talking to another man. It seemed as if the two were taxi drivers because they stood by a cascading chain of vehicles.

"E go be spinal cord problem," replied the other taxi driver as he too turned to have a glimpse of my awkward movement.

The beefy man whistled; "Fine girl, help your papa nah. Nne, nwanyi-oma; biko support am. See as you and your papa fine like di apple wey Eve give Adam chop."

My daughter couldn't help chuckling.

I turned and thanked him. "Na me say make she dey go for front so that I can exercise on my own."

"Okay, I understand Nwoke-oma. You and your daughter too fine. Sun no suppose near una bodi Jisike o.."

As I made past a herbal seller with his wares displayed on a sack spread on the ground, I noticed that he too regarded me keenly; "Oga, sorry. I get am por arthritis medicine."

He followed me with a bottle in his hand but I waved him away and politely told him that I wasn't interested.

We were just a pole away to our destination when a middle aged petite woman cornered us and began to ask a barrage of questions.

"Brother, na accident? Na dislocation? You fall?"

My daughter shook her head while trying hard not to break into a raucous laughter.

"Make you dey give am moringa." The woman went on like a faulty alarm clock that keeps blaring. "You sabi clove abi? Add ginger and garlic make you dey give am. You sabi kernel oil and ori? Dey use am massage di leg every morning and night. Brother, sorry o. God will be with you. Your enemies will not succeed. You will be well again in Jesus name."

In unison, my daughter and I muttered; "Amen."

We thanked the woman and when she had left, my daughter asked; "Daddy, why are they all acting as if they already knew what happened to you?"

I smiled and told her that our communal spirit has no rival all over the world. It's what makes us different from people in the western world who would have just walked past us and minded their business.

"Here, everyone wants to play the big brother role and it really creates a sense of belonging. It makes us unique." I added.

My daughter chuckled the umpteenth time.

Japheth Prosper JAN26

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