Integrative Therapy Malta

Belonging isn't actually about fitting in. Belonging is who we are. Fitting in is who we are trying to be, in order to feel accepted.

Fitting in requires us to sit in other people's expectations and betray our own needs, believes, feelings, or in some cases our own sense of self. It will come to tell us who we "should be", instead of exploring and embracing the totality of who we "really are". This can feel very disempowering.

In order to adapt to the circumstances of our lives, we creatively adjust in the best way we can, with the resources we have at the time. In order to feel accepted and loved growing up, most of us create a habit of rejecting or disowning parts of ourselves.

An important aspect in adulthood is to become more emotionally literate, to recognise and understand our thoughts, emotions and needs.
Another important aspect is to learn how to sit in other people's criticism and disapproval, and start trusting ourselves more.

It's okay to feel whatever you're feeling. There might be wrong actions, behaviours and practices, in the sense that they might contradict social norms and laws. But there are no wrong feelings.
You are allowed to feel whatever it is you're feeling: love, hate, gratitude, resentment, disappointment, etc.

What creates pain and struggle is the resistance in accepting our emotions. When we meet a feeling (natural happening) with thoughts like "I shouldn't be feeling this" or "It's wrong to feel like this", we come into conflict with the reality and naturalness of what we're experiencing.

But when we allow ourselves to simply experience and feel our feelings, they will eventually shift. Emotions come and go only if we allow them to, as they are not permanent.