PookyH
Partager
16/06/2026
๐ง๐ต๐ฒ ๐ฐ๐ต๐ถ๐น๐ฑ ๐๐ต๐ผ'๐ "๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ณ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐" ๐ฎ๐ ๐๐ฐ๐ต๐ผ๐ผ๐น ๐ฏ๐๐ ๐ณ๐ฎ๐น๐น๐ ๐ฎ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ ๐ฎ๐ ๐ต๐ผ๐บ๐ฒ ๐ถ๐ ๐ผ๐ณ๐๐ฒ๐ป ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ฎ ๐ฝ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ฐ๐ฒ ๐๐ฒ ๐ฑ๐ผ๐ป'๐ ๐๐ฒ๐ฒ.
Most of us know about fight, flight and freeze responses. But fawn, the appease response, is the one we miss most often, because it looks like exactly what we want: a compliant, eager to please, well behaved child.
๐๐ฎ๐๐ป ๐ถ๐ ๐ฐ๐ผ๐บ๐ฝ๐น๐ถ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฐ๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ ๐ฎ ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ฒ๐น๐ฑ.
The child has learned that the safest strategy is to become whatever the adult in authority needs them to be. If I make you happy, you won't hurt me. If I agree with everything, there will be no conflict. If I'm useful, I'm safe.
๐ง๐ต๐ถ๐ ๐ถ๐ ๐ป๐ผ๐ ๐๐ต๐ฟ๐ถ๐๐ถ๐ป๐ด.
It's surviving at enormous cost: exhaustion, and the slow erosion of who they are. For neurodivergent children, fawn is often closely linked to masking, and it's frequently invisible to the adults who benefit from it.
๐ช๐ฒ ๐บ๐ถ๐๐ ๐ถ๐ ๐ฏ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐๐๐ฒ ๐ป๐ผ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐น๐ผ๐ผ๐ธ๐ ๐๐ฟ๐ผ๐ป๐ด.
A fawning child makes our job easier. They don't cause trouble. They do what we ask. But that doesn't mean they're okay.
๐ช๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ต๐ฒ๐น๐ฝ๐:
๐๐ถ๐๐ฒ ๐ฒ๐
๐ฝ๐น๐ถ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐บ๐ถ๐๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป ๐๐ผ ๐ฑ๐ถ๐๐ฎ๐ด๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฒ.
Phrases like "It's okay to say you don't agree" or "I'm interested in what you actually think, not what you think I want to hear."
๐ฅ๐ฒ๐๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฑ ๐๐ผ๐ถ๐ฐ๐ฒ ๐ผ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐ฐ๐ผ๐บ๐ฝ๐น๐ถ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฐ๐ฒ
The disagreement as much as the agreement.
๐ ๐ผ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐น ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐ผ๐๐ป ๐ถ๐บ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ณ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป
So getting things wrong looks survivable.
๐ ๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฒ ๐ถ๐ ๐๐ฎ๐ณ๐ฒ ๐๐ผ ๐ฏ๐ฒ ๐ต๐ผ๐ป๐ฒ๐๐
Then keep proving it when they test you.
๐๐ผ๐บ๐ฝ๐น๐ถ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฐ๐ฒ ๐ถ๐๐ป'๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐๐ฎ๐บ๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ ๐๐ฒ๐น๐น๐ฏ๐ฒ๐ถ๐ป๐ด. A child who never disagrees is not thriving. They're surviving. Our job is to make it safe enough for them to be themselves.
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Please share this if you know someone who needs to understand this.
๐ก๐ผ๐ ๐ฎ ๐ฝ๐น๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ฒ ๐๐ผ ๐ต๐ถ๐ฑ๐ฒ. ๐ ๐ฝ๐น๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ฒ ๐๐ผ ๐ฏ๐ฒ๐น๐ผ๐ป๐ด.
Most of the work we do for neurodivergent students is about removing barriers. Adjustments, accommodations, quiet rooms to escape to when it all gets too much.
All of that matters. But it can leave a child feeling tolerated rather than valued. Included on paper. Not wanted in practice.
๐ง๐ต๐ฒ ๐ด๐ผ๐ฎ๐น ๐ถ๐ ๐ฏ๐ถ๐ด๐ด๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐ป ๐ฒ๐๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฝ๐ฒ.
We want children running towards things, not just away from them. That means building places they actively want to be, not just places they can survive.
๐ช๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ ๐น๐ผ๐ผ๐ธ๐ ๐น๐ถ๐ธ๐ฒ ๐ถ๐ป ๐ฝ๐ฟ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐๐ถ๐ฐ๐ฒ:
โฆ A lunchtime club built around a shared interest, where their people are. Chess, anime, coding, Warhammer. Far more powerful than any social skills group.
โฆ A librarian who saves them a book. A teaching assistant who saves them a seat. Small, consistent acts that say you were on my mind.
โฆ Adults who use their name with warmth in it. Every day. Even when they donโt reply yet.
๐ง๐ฟ๐ ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ ๐พ๐๐ถ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐ฎ๐๐ฑ๐ถ๐.
Pick one neurodivergent student. Where do they go at break? Are they choosing to be there, or hiding? Would they be missed tomorrow if they didnโt come in?
If the honest answers are uncomfortable, thatโs useful information. It tells you where to start.
๐๐ถ๐ฑ๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ฏ๐ฒ๐น๐ผ๐ป๐ด๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐น๐ผ๐ผ๐ธ ๐ถ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ป๐๐ถ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐น ๐ณ๐ฟ๐ผ๐บ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ผ๐๐๐๐ถ๐ฑ๐ฒ.
Same child. Same room. Same lunchtime. But one says โyou donโt fit out there.โ The other says โweโre glad youโre here.โ
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