Ink and thought

Life Goes On So Fast
But I’m Glad for the Memories that Last.

One day you’re sitting in a psychology class with your best friend from grade 11 and the next you know you’re oceans away from her. Now you see her monthly on a video call, reminiscing life 9 years ago.

Wondering how time flies by, and life goes on so fast.
But the memories they always last.

Memories of moving abroad at 18;
Of buying your first car with friends who would become family for a brief time- teaching you things that can only be taught by Time.

A tale as old as this rhyme-
you study, work, build connections, lose friends, move town, make new friends, lose them again, find love, get heartbroken, get sad, get depressed, travel, explore, learn and work some more, study again, see your friends graduate and get married, some of them have kids now!

And all of a sudden 7 years have passed by, and you’re not that 18 year old anymore. About to hit quarter life crisis. You wonder where and when did Time outrun you?

Catching up with all those years takes mere moments of reflection on a Friday night.

Until realization dawns that Time only stops when you make some time for yourself. To think; reflect, ponder and plan your future that will surely surpass the past. Casting a net of plenty memories happy and sad that will last.

All because Life Goes On So Fast.

Sukoon (सुकून)

On days when my heart feels heavy,
And my mind wanders in the abyss of empty thoughts,
I search for a semblance of solace,
A silent prayer to my God.

I’ve never been one to preach,
But the effect of this ritual I shall teach

I find some oil to light a golden lamp that my mother lent me a while back;
And memories of a southern town in India come crawling to my mind

This town is home to my mum and her parents
However, I never found my way around here
These tiny streets with unpaved roads
Ancestral houses and worship homes

But at dusk when we sat in the verandah
There was silence and a golden light
From the big lamp that nani had put outside
I got used to calling this house, home in fact.

I remember witnessing magic up here;
Tiny specks of gold shimmering in the trees
Fireflies and crickets became our lullabies
Now repressed memories in the cave of my mind.

The calming smell of sandalwood
As the incense burns my woe’s
Brings me back to my apartment room
Miles away from what I used to call home

I find a sense of calm,
In the unknown.

Dear Tapsee Pannu,

I remember watching you on the big screen right before my board exams. You caused an eerie air of discomfort in the theater. When my friends and I were on the brink of becoming feminists, watching your movie “Pink”. I recall a couple making out on the corner seats beside us but that wasn’t as disturbing as the trial in the movie. The grim reality of being shamed because you’re a woman of ‘questionable character’ walking alone at night, drinking and partying with your friends so late. In a sensually revealing tight dress. Beware, for they don’t teach consent when it comes to s*x. Two words dripping in taboo that they were never taught in school let alone addressed in a conversation without making people feel uncomfortable. And now we keep wondering why r**e cases are abound. It has to be the modern woman’s fault. Right?

I then saw you in “Thappad” and realized how deeply ingrained marital abuse is in our society. That my friends aunt found the narrative so distastefully repelling, she claimed to have been a victim of abuse worse than a slap. She dismissed the movie as problems of the millennial generation that leaves everything at the first, smallest inconvenience. Staunchly believing that a marriage works on compromise. Living in a world where love is equated to the hurt a person inflicts upon you. What a toxic world will that be I wonder. To fall in love with your abuser.

And now Haseen Dilruba caught my interest. I won’t lie, I was terrified while watching this movie. To see how cruelly you burned your hand and fell from the stairs only to see the sadist husband of yours grin at your pain. Adultery or not, violence should never be glorified. Not in love. I strongly believe that when John Lyly said “everything’s fair in love and war” he created chaos from his belief that now became a common misused adage.

In the end your movies did teach me two lifelong lessons.
1. Fighting for myself and
2. Realizing when to let go of a toxic relationship.