Journaling With Jae

This is what my grief journey looks like today. Journaling in the park, thinking of my sister and my father. ✨

Yesterday marked 3 years since I’d seen my sister Melissa before a drunk driver hit her and her husband in April of last year. In 2 days it will be a year since that devastating day.

Melissa survived but has an extensive brain injury.

Last night I typed out the victims impact statement for our family.

Unbeknownst to the family and myself, my father had been diagnosed with cancer in the beginning of the same year. He died 6 months later, and I truly believe his grief for my sister expedited that death. He was heart broken for his little girl.

I’ve been watching a podcast by Anderson Cooper called “All There Is”, and have been reconnecting with my own grief. This isn’t my first time experiencing such grief. In 2019 my husband died suddenly. That grief has been a complicated one given the nature of my marriage. But it’s strong nonetheless.

If you are grieving, please feel free to share your story below ✨. Let’s create a community where grief isn’t buried or shunned. There’s a sentiment I’ve heard many times that says “Grief is just love, with nowhere to go.”

Let’s give it a place to go 💕

I used to write a lot of poetry. This one was floating around in my head today so I wrote it down.

“I wanna go home”
Jacky Simpson

Children sob into their hands, tiny fists pounding on tables and desks
Tears covering their faces, a sickness in their chests

If they are lucky, they have homes to go back to
There’s parents and loved ones they can belong to

But what do adults do, when the silent screams fill their heads?
Years of life lived, thousands of tears shed

When the pounding of fists and stamping of feet
Are no longer acceptable, they stay in their seat

Behind a desk, or a badge, or a grocery counter
Their hearts pounding, pulse growing faster

When the voice in their heads match the kids’ growing pleas
To their teachers, their sitters - wound tight round their knees

“I wanna go home”

Only there’s no parents to hold them as they cry
No soft words, no warm blankets, no lullabies

“Home is where the heart is”
That’s what they say

But if a child is calling from inside the heart for a home that doesn’t exist
How do you tell them they haven’t been missed?on

Another trauma processing sketch. This one was born from a nightmare I had last night.

TW: DV and Trauma processing

I started trauma processing therapy 2 weeks ago. I’ll be attending every week for 10 more weeks. These sketches ive been posting come out when I do my homework for the group.

I hope none of you can relate to these sketches, but if you can - know that you aren’t alone. And I hope that you are safe and loved now.

Jae

TW: DV

TW: DV and explicit content

More trauma processing

Early morning book writing session? ✅
Tea to keep me going? ✅
Blasting “Illicit Affairs” by Taylor Swift while writing about my own illicit affair? ✅✅✅

“Don’t call me kid, don’t call me baby! Look at this idiotic fool that you made me!” 🎶🎧

Latest journaling pages

It’s a writing kind of morning 👩‍💻📝

I found my wedding cards while cleaning yesterday, and my first thought was to toss them away, the way I’ve done so many other things. These bring so much hurt forward. But, I decided instead to cut them into a collage so that I could express my feelings. I think a part to me also wasn’t ready to let go of the hope I had for my marriage, when these cards first came into my hands on our wedding day.

Well today I started my Author journey.

I am doing a writing challenge called the "Rough Draft Challene" by Heart Breathings on YouTube!

My goal is to write 50,000 words by Nov. 20th. Which means 1,613 a day! I'm ending day 1 off strong with 2,581 words!

Exciting!