maddisoleil

Green Queens for Halloween Unite!! 🦇

Tag me in your stories or photos in costume and blazing!
There might be a special Halloween treat for you if you do!! 🖤🦇🖤🦇🖤🦇🖤

Here's the truth: I sometimes struggle with writing what I want to on my social media. Because I'm afraid.
I'm afraid because I'm still recovering from an extremely covertly abusive relationship.

This fear comes from having been stalked, online and in person by my ex.
Having him trick me into telling him where I am, who I'm with, and what I'm doing even after he'd left.
Him then guilting me or critisizing and judging me for wanting to have privacy, and being accused of lying because I didn't just tell him where I was.

It comes from years and years of being convinced I was always the one in the wrong, and half a decade of him making me feel as though I couldn't make a decision without his approval or permission.

It was so bad I used to ask him constantly if he'd prefer a fork or spoon with every meal I made him. Why? Because I was afraid he'd get annoyed if I gave him the wrong thing, or he just wouldn't eat it.

The worst part? I didn't even realize this kind of behaviour was abuse. 9 years of being best friends, 5 years in a relationship, and a child and I didn't even know, I was being abused. All I knew was that I was unhappy, and depressed, and that everyone believed I was the problem.

On days where I'm stuck on loop (ptsd is a common side effect of mental and emotional abuse) CBD is my best friend.

Bringing my body back to homeostasis, and helping me relax, breathe, and balance out the cortisol in my body from stress.
Combine CBD with the comfort of a warm beverage and give yourself a mental wellness time out.

Recipe on second page 💚
Ps. Sorry it's more matcha 🤣🤣

After years of being told, I was asking too much.
After years of being shown, my needs were based only on my performance
After years of being told, "the kind of man you want doesn't exist"
. 🇵 🇴 🇴 🇫 ..

You come knocking on my door. 🚪

I have to admit. I have been getting 𝓈𝓅ℴ𝒾𝓁ℯ𝒹 in the dining department.

A year ago I would have felt so guilty for doing something I needed to take care of and having my man cook all my meals. I would have felt lazy, and like I wasn't giving enough, and like I was inconveniencing my partner, like it was my job.

As women we so often step into the unconditional love, mothering role towards our men, then get upset when we feel taken advantage of for giving and doing too much.

How can we expect men to act like men when we treat them like children?

Let your man provide for you. Step out of the masculine parenting energy, he is grown, let him show you that he knows what to do.
A man who wants to take care of you will put in the effort to help and make you happy as often as possible, but ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ʟᴇᴛ ʜɪᴍ🖤